One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

WEEKLY QUESTIONS

What are you REALLY afraid of?

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Question of the weekThere’s been something on my mind since this weekend. During my run I had so many thoughts swimming through my head about my weight loss history and new found lust for fitness. I spent a lot of time contemplating why it was so hard for me to overcome and why it’s getting easier and easier for me to maintain.

When I returned from the run and read the comments on my Weekend Quote post. One in particular, from Robyn stood out. Here’s a snippet…

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate; our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?…"

That is EXACTLY what I was thinking about. Well, one of the things, it was an hour and half run after all. :) But seriously, I have this "glitch" (I’ll call it) where the fear of being or getting what I want most in life will disappoint or negatively affect others. I don’t want people to think I’m "gloating" or "showing off". I don’t want to make others "feel bad" that I have when they may not. It’s as if I’m afraid to hurt others feelings with my own success.

A few months ago I was reading a blog post that mentioned Tall Poppy Syndrome. I never heard of it before and it actually helps me describe what I’m *trying* to say…

Someone is said to be a target of tall poppy syndrome when his or her assumption of a higher economic, social, or political position is criticized as being presumptuous, attention seeking, or without merit. Alternatively, it is seen as a societal phenomenon in which people of genuine merit are criticised or resented because their talents or achievements elevate them above or distinguish them from their peers.

The husband and I have had discussions about this concept relating to education but were never able to articulate it correctly. The idea that an individual won’t strive to succeed because his/her peers don’t have the same ability, desire or motivation.

Tall poppy is really describing the perspective of "the peers" but I believe it can be self-inflicted as well. Let’s apply the thought process to some feelings I’ve had about weight loss… If I’m actually successful and become thin others won’t like me anymore. I lose my association to the "chubby girls" yet don’t feel as if I’m one of the "skinny girls." I might as well stay fat and happy that way no one gets hurt. Myself included. Plus who am I to think I deserve to be thin. I’m not one of the “lucky ones.”

Messed up right?

I sometimes have these types of feelings now. I really think it’s one of the fears I have wearing "Skinny Girl" outfits at the gym. I don’t want to draw attention, or show off. I know how it feels to look at thin people and want so badly what they have. Now that the shoe is on the other foot I don’t want to be perceived as showing off my thinness. I don’t want "rub it in" or look as I’m "seeking attention". But darn it I want to be comfortable with myself, my body and my achievements! Is that wrong?

I’m not sure why I have these feelings or where they come from but they’ve always been there. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s one of the reasons why I had such a hard time losing weight before. Was it the fear of actually being thin that held me back? Did I fear becoming one of the girls I was so jealous of? And once I focused on more then just getting thin (wanting to be a healthy example for the toddler) did those feelings became irrelevant as my goal was now so much more the "thinness?"

Talk about a brain dump! Sorry, I didn’t mean to bear my soul. What I really want to know is if you have any fears holding you back from succeeding, not only with weight loss but anything that make you a happy healthy person.

What are you REALLY afraid of?




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Discussion

There are 40 comments so far.

    Deb

    April 1, 2009

    The “our deepest fear” quote is from Marianne Williamson, by the way.

    It’s one of my favorites.

    Runeatrepeat

    April 1, 2009

    I know exactly what you are talking about. It is so much safer to stay the way I am know. I “know” myself chubby, but I don’t know myself thin. It’s scary to become a different person.

    Berni

    April 1, 2009

    Roni, put on the Skinny Girl Outfits and be proud, you totally deserve it. I think I’m scared of getting to my goal weight and still not being happy with my body, that it won’t be enough, so why try if I’m not going to be happy anyway?

    I think maybe it was my post on being supportive of yourself that your talking about http://tinyurl.com/bpqm53 If it is, I’m glad it got you thinking, thanks for another great post.

    Tiger G

    April 1, 2009

    When I lost most of my previous baby weight through WW (almost 100 lbs), I had those same feelings of failure in relation to my actual “success.” I felt so bad in public when I’d see a big girl, and knowing I was in small clothes and looking like a normal sized girl, I didn’t want them to look at me and be jealous (like I use to be) or feel inadequate (or fat, like I use to feel around ‘normal’ sized girls.) I guess I saw myself in every fat person. I’ve always said it’s easier to lose weight physically than mentally. I admit I always thought the skinny or normal girls had it easy, but if one of them had ever said to me “I lost a ton of weight, I use to be your size” I wouldn’t have held anything against them. I guess I just assumed they were always small and never had the struggle. Even in WW meetings, I had a hard time with the people who were only there to lose a few lbs, when I had soooo much to lose. I think it really comes down to me being a people pleaser, I always want everyone to feel comfortable, even if it is at my sake. That’s my issue behind weight loss, the pounds were just the symptoms and not the cause. Wow I can ramble. And for a quick side note, I’m knocked up again and when this baby pops out I’ll be one of the “fat girls” once again until the baby weight magically (ha, I wish) melts away. I need to learn to take time for me and do what makes me happy, and yes, being a normal size and eating healthy really made me happy.

    Xenia

    April 1, 2009

    Ditto. That’s actually why I hold myself back academically too. I have been the target of people’s ire for doing well and I can’t stand it. Like Tiger G said of herself, I too am a people pleaser and no matter how much I know they’re in the wrong for resenting me for my success, I still don’t want to rock the boat, so I stay quiet and underperform. Because of this post, I’ve only now started to wonder if this also applies to my weigh loss journey. I’ll definitely have to give it a lot of thought.

    Thanks for another great, thought-provoking post, Roni.

    Deb

    April 1, 2009

    I can totally relate to this post, ladies. I have always thought of myself as having an insurmountable weight problem. In reality, it’s more like 30 lbs. I’ve lost it before (and gained it back), and I have to tell you that although it felt great to physical lose the weight, I struggled with the emotional part of it. Mentally, I feel more comfortable being overweight so I can “blend in.” I’ve always been a quiet person, and I don’t like compliments. I honestly don’t feel like I deserve to be one of the skinny girls so I sabotage myself. I hate my fat clothes, but they protect me in some sort of twisted way. Interesting post, Roni. Thanks! Definitely something to think about.

    Tanya

    April 1, 2009

    I think the comments hit the nail on the head – it might be wanting to please people and it may be a little bit of caring too much about what other people think. This made me think of a friend who had been a little chubby all her life. When she was about 25 or 26 she lost the chubbiness and I don’t think she has been fully clothed ever since. I mean – my girl is enjoying her body to the fullest. Sometimes people talk about her ‘lack of attire’ – she loves skimpy clothes – but she couldn’t care less. Once you’ve got it – the body I mean – do with it as you please, enjoy every second of having it I say.
    *Gee this is a long comment *
    My own story involves spending a lot of time in the gym and never fully appreciating the great shape I was in. It was always some little flaw nagging me and now I wish I had spent less time worrying about it.

    roni

    April 1, 2009

    Tiger SO hit the nail on the head. I’m a total people pleaser and I perceive my accomplishments as in direct competition to that pleasing. I’d rather make others happy then myself. I’ve ALWAYS been that way.

    Josee Sisson

    April 1, 2009

    What am I afraid of? one word… MAINTENANCE. I have lost it before, but was not able to maintain “well” (always seemed to stay btwn 5-10 lbs over). Now I have regained it all and am back to square one. When I lose it again (and believe me – I WILL), will I be able to keep it off this time????

    sassyaztec

    April 1, 2009

    Gosh, I guess I am just afraid of starting and feeling like I didn’t go a good enough job. I tend to get overzealous and then feel depressed that I fell short. I am not afraid of being skinny. I want it sooo bad, but I also grew up with a mom that commented all.the.time. about how heavy I was (and I really wasn’t). So it’s nice to feel like I’m giving her the finger sometimes.

    Don’t worry about bearing your soul, isn’t that what a journal is all about??

    You rock girl, be proud, stand tall (in your cute skinny girl clothes!) ;)

    ~ Lisa
    http://sassyaztec.blogspot.com

    Nichole

    April 1, 2009

    Wow Roni, I was just thinking about this. I am 4 pds from my original goal weight and everytime the scale drops I’m playing mind games with myself, just this morning I went over everything I ate yesterday and told myself I ran 3 miles and I deserve this. Why do I need to reconfirm myself? This is redicioulous I have worked my a** of since my son was born, and even prior to lose this weight and deserve to be proud of it. I am dedicated to excercise and I try to always eat very healthy, with some slip ups but that is just human nature. I feel as I get closer to my ideal body weight, I do not get as many complements. This may just be something totally messed up in my head, but I feel that people are becoming jealous. And what I have to say to those people are you willing to give up full-fat hamburgers, ice cream, soda, and chips everyday? Are you willing to make yourself excercise a few times a week? And the final most difficult are you willing to plan ahead? Because if you don’t you will be screwed! I’m sorry that I’m going off but it really urks me and I think that this is the reason that I am keeping my TT a secret, because people truly think I’m taking the easy way out…yeah cut “4-5 pds off my stomach and bam I will be bikini ready,” bull-s*** I would have looked like a beached whale if I didn’t lose my 45 pds from pregnancy first. I hope I didn’t offend anyone but I needed to vent. Thanks and have wonderful Wednesday!

    Jen

    April 1, 2009

    You shouldn’t feel guilty for your healthy choices at all. I’ve been reading your blog for about a month now, and you work so hard! I’m a “naturally thin” girl, and I know this will sound like I’m showing off, but every time I have body issues, I get berated by people rather than comforted just because I’m thinner than most people. I work hard for my body too, and I fall off the wagon on occasion, eat everything in sight and stop exercising for a while. I hit my “Scary Weight” http://girlsaroundchitown.blogspot.com/2009/03/scary-weight.html

    My “Scary Weight” is a weight that others would laugh at, but I’m 5’2″ and I know when I don’t feel healthy, but I was literally shamed into silence when I brought it up. Ok, so now I’m babbling, but seriously…Be proud of yourself. You worked hard for this, and you have the right to be confident about your body and in the abilities that that body gave you.

    Aime

    April 1, 2009

    You are awesome Roni. You say exactly what many of us seem to have been feeling for so long. You are just so real. I am on my way to achieving weight loss success this time. In the past year I’ve lost over 15 pounds and that was after losing 40 pregnancy pounds. Recently I returned to WW to really get myself back on track to work towards not only weight loss but a healthy lifestyle. Lately at work I’ve been getting some comments about looking thinner. At first I just kind of brushed it off, “Oh yeah I’m so busy these days running after my busy two year old.” Well last night I was down another pound for a total of 8 since beginning WW again. This morning when someone commented on my weight loss I said thank you, I’ve been working hard. It felt great to acknowledge it. I feel so different this time and that is in part to your sites Roni. I am suddenly excited to cook. My son and I are muffin making machines as I test out your recipes for new ways to feed my sweet tooth in the healthiest, lowest points ways possible. My husband is thrilled with the cooking! Thanks to your posts chronicling your weight loss success I eased up on myself regarding heavy exercise over the last few weeks and I’ve been enjoying walks with my family. I’m feeling ready to start moving a little more, but on my own terms. Oh my goodness I’m sorry that I’m so wordy and I’ve totally gotten off the subject. Your posts, videos, all the comments from readers and the many tips and suggestions have made a huge impact on me. Thank you as always for doing this. Your work is appreciated.

    Marie

    April 1, 2009

    Roni – I think you hit the nail on the head. I couldn’t have expressed my own feelings any better. Be strong!

    Fab Kate

    April 1, 2009

    This post is simply GREAT. I agree, more of us are more afraid of success than failure.

    Anna M

    April 1, 2009

    Amen! You are so right! The last time I fell off the wagon, so to speak, a friend had started making a really big deal about how good I looked. I didn’t look that great. I had lost about 20 pounds but had 40 or 50 more to go. I know she was trying to be supportive but then her husband commented that I lost weight and then another one of her friends who I see just once in a while made a very big deal after seeing me. I know they were trying to be nice but it made me extremely uncomfortable and self concious. Being fat, I feel invisible. This time around I need to be prepared for some attention. Funny, you think it’s what you want but when you get it it’s a little hard to handle.

    pam

    April 1, 2009

    On the biggest loser last night Tara was dealing with the same issue….not really being able to figure out the emotions behind the weight. I think that much of my weight centers around disappointing my family. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t fast, skinny, atheletic, strong. I felt like I let them down. You would think that it would make me want to try all the harder and work all the harder to be skinny….but the opposite happened. WHY? It just made it worse. Why was I afraid. Why am I still afraid. hmmmmmm. It is CRAZY how the mind can create such a monster!

    Lanette Hopkins

    April 1, 2009

    Great post! I lost 65 lbs. at WW. I’m now a WW leader. One day I wrote a post about Lane Bryant and a friend politely told me it’s not nice to make fun of heavy people. I was no longer in the “club”. When you’re overweight you can poke fun at “phatness” but not when you’re thin. Tall Poppies sometime stand alone. I thought maybe I’d just live my life quietly.

    The Marianne Williamson quote changed my mind about standing out. What if the great minds in history didn’t use their gifts? Who knows what we could accomplish if we weren’t afraid to stand up? If there’s something I can do or say that will help a fellow traveler then I don’t want to leave it undone or unsaid. It’s scary and a big responsibility but so far for me it’s been amazing.

    Heather

    April 1, 2009

    Hi Roni. I read all the time, but almost never comment because I am pregnant right now, so my weight loss journey is (until May) on hold. However, I couldn’t resist commenting on this one.

    Success is my biggest fear, and for two bizarre reasons. #1 – if I stay heavy and people don’t like me, in my head I can blame it on my weight. If I lose the weight and people don’t like me, then it’s really ME they don’t like. #2 – if I work and work and work, I still may not suceed, so why try? Why work so hard and just end up disappointed when I discover I can’t do it no matter how I try.

    Intellectually I understand how ridiculous these thoughts are, and in fact I have managed to lose some weight successfully (30 pounds before I got pregnant) but sometimes I just can’t shake these thoughts and they keep me from even trying. It’s so difficult to overcome these weird mental roadblocks, and I don’t even know where they came from!

    Thanks for giving me the chance to talk about this as I approach the end of my pregnancy and am starting to gear up mentally to get back to Weight Watchers.

    s

    April 1, 2009

    so *that’s* what it’s called. thanks for bringing tall poppy syndrome to my attention. i feel like that sometimes, too, which i know is bad.

    Paige

    April 1, 2009

    I am afraid of maintenance as well. After I lost the 15 pounds that had been nagging me for the past ten years, I finally started buying clothes that actually fit (and aren’t too big). I have thrown away the clothes that were larger, and I am so scared that I will gain the weight back; and my new clothes won’t fit. I have been maintaining for about 5 months, but I still worry about it on an almost daily basis.

    Brandi

    April 1, 2009

    I’m mostly 100% afraid that I’m going to succeed. That I’m going to get to my goal weight, finish a half marathon, cut down my body fat, buy a whole new wardrobe….

    And still feel like its not enough. Still feel like I’M not good enough. I know that’s all an emotional/spiritual/intellectual thing rather than physical. But it still scares me. What if I can never be satisfied?

    *sigh*

    Amy

    April 1, 2009

    I am recently just started my weight loss journey again. I weigh 286–the lagest I have even been. I gained 20 lbs since my 10 1/2 month old son was born.

    *I am afraid I might be noticed when I dont have the weight to hide behind and I might even deserve some

    *I am afriad I might have to start feeling my emotions instead of eating them.

    *I am afraid I might have to deal with life and food issues from the past (for example, I punished for eating too much chocolate once–I was made to continue to eat it until I spit it out, and then had to eat that too)

    Just a few things I am afraid of when I lose this weight

    Amy

    April 1, 2009

    Forgive me for not proofreading and having some many errors.

    Nichole

    April 1, 2009

    Amy,
    I just read your comment and it brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry for what happened to you in the past with food. That was not the way whomever should have dealt with it. You are an amazing person, and you deserve the best!

    Melissa

    April 1, 2009

    Great post, and relatable, too, Roni. Having been chubby my whole life before WW 5 yrs ago, I was very uncomfortable with the newfound attention that being “thin” brought. Granted, I looked a lot different with those 30, 35 lbs gone, but that success also led to a myriad of problems, including disordered eating behaviors and food/exercise obsessions.

    I think sometimes I test myself now to see “how far I can go” before I start to gain weight again, sick as that sounds. Even while being careful and journaling, sometimes I like to push the buttons.

    About ten pounds have creeped on from my happy weight over the past three years … and I’m trying to take them off again, but since I can still wear the same clothes, there’s an edge of denial in my “battle.” It’s very confusing. And no one really talks about the “what now” fears associated with weight loss.

    Everything changes on the outside, but inside, you’re the same although in my experience, there’s additional confusion. I struggle with this a lot. Great post, seriously.

    Erin

    April 1, 2009

    I have an eating disorder so I have had to learn moderation in all things even if I am at a healthy body weight. Not only do I continue to eat moderatly but I dress moderately as well. I don’t dress to hide my body (fat or not) and I don’t dress to excessively show off my body (skinny or not). This helps keep my head on straight which seems to keep the right amount of food going in my mouth. I don’t know if this helps anyone but it does help me. I have been at both ends of the weight spectrum and I did dress pretty skimmpy when I was thinner but now I try to keep it moderate. For some reason it works for me.

    Terri

    April 1, 2009

    I’ve always been a people pleaser and have a difficult time doing anything that will make someone else feel uncomfortable. But now I’m waay overweight and have to do something about it. Someplace deep inside I want to be the woman who is fit and healthy, goes to the gym and goes jogging. I want to participate in activities with my husband and family, but at the same time I’m afraid to. I have an autistic daughter, who cannot participate in any kind of physical activity. I’ve come to realize that over the years I’ve used her as a crutch to get me out of participating in activities that make me feel awkward or inadequate. Along with being a people pleaser, I have this perfectionist side that won’t allow me to do anything unless I can do it perfectly. Of course when you’re 80+ pounds overweight it’s hard to be perfect at anything, so I just gave up.

    Recently, I’ve gotten worried about my health and what could happen if I don’t get this weight off. I don’t want to leave my family in a mess or worse be someone else they would have to take care of. But, the little person hiding deep inside who wants to be “normal sized”, that can bend and sit on the floor and get back up again without making a scene, wants her time in the sun. So I’ve signed up to work with a trainer twice a week for the month of April. I’m hoping the added pressure to be accountable to someone outside of my immediate family will get me going in the right direction.

    I’m so thankful that I found your site! You give me hope that I can make progress, one day at a time.

    Melody

    April 1, 2009

    This really got me thinking…. Not sure why I’m afraid of, but I do know what bothers me and perhaps it’s the comments you get from others you would like to avoid. Here are some of my thoughts…

    I hate being that girl with the “good willpower” or being told that you can have that piece of cake because you can afford it. The only reason I can “afford it” is because I don’t have it. I don’t understand why people think because you are thin its easy to get up early to run or easy to say no to cake, nachos wings, ice cream… mmmm the list goes on……

    It’s hard every day to get up and run and hard everyday to stay focused. Granted it does get easier as you begin to realize how much better you feel and how bad you feel when you don’t exercise or eat the wrong things.

    It’s also hard to say these things without sounding like a huge annoying pain in the butt. People don’t want to hear it. If I were chubby then I would be part of the group instead of the outsider.

    It’s annoying but quite honestly, I wouldn’t give up my health to “fit in”. It’s the insecurity of others that come out as they try to make you feel “different”. Trust me they want to be like you, getting up, feeling better, looking better.

    andrea.

    April 1, 2009

    Great post, Roni! (As always…) For me, I have this whole personality type established for myself, that’s based on being … well, kind of ‘hapless, yet hilarious!’ Would people still like me if I wasn’t the one constantly telling stories about ‘that crazy thing that happened to me on the way to work’ or ‘that hilariously stupid thing I did the other day, hahaha!’. Losing weight and taking charge of my health makes me feel competent and strong, and neither of those attributes fit into the personality I built for myself, and the personality that my friends and family know (and presumably love).

    It probably sounds crazy, but it’s scary to let go of that.

    deanna

    April 1, 2009

    …of facing my demons or my true self when I get to goal…

    Deb

    April 1, 2009

    Wow. It’s so weird that you posted this today. I’ve been having some weird, uncomfortable feelings lately, when people have commented on my weight loss. I’m down 58 pounds and still have another 55 to go, and people are just recently starting to comment more. I was enjoying it, but lately it’s started to feel weird. I couldn’t put my finger on why, though, until reading your post just now. I’m almost embarassed of my weight loss, as crazy as that sounds. It’s like a love/hate thing, I think. I love that the weight is coming off, but with so much more to go, I wonder how I’ll feel as I get closer to goal, and get more comments. A couple of people have even asked me how much more I want to lose, and I feel really uncomfortable telling them. Somebody said, “oh you must be really close to goal…” 55 pounds is not close, and it’s not my goal, it’s the WW goal. When I told somebody how much more I had to go they were saying I couldn’t possibly lose that much more, I didn’t need to. Nuts. I know my body, I’m short, and I know I need to lose a bunch more to be at a healthy BMI, but I think I carry my weight well, if that makes sense. Anyway, sorry to ramble. It’s just that when I see people I haven’t seen in a while it makes me nervous about what they’re going to say. You have definitely helped me figure out what it is. Thanks.

    Nina

    April 1, 2009

    Hi Roni,

    I’ve been an avid reader (and fan) of your blogs for almost three years now. I’ve done WW twice in my life. Once before I got married, and once when I started a new job. Both times I was successful…I lost 24 pounds each time, but never met the healthy weight range that WW says is appropriate for my body. I got stuck. I hit a plateau. I got discouraged. I stopped. Both times I gained all the weight back and I felt like a failure. So….my fear is working hard, working out, feeling deprived, and NEVER getting there. Someone commented that they had a perfectionist side to them…if they do something, they have to be perfect. I feel like that with WW. I decided to go back to WW (for the third time) a couple weeks ago. Is this time going to be different? Do I have the will to stay committed to a life change, rather than a short change?

    I know what success feels like, so why am I so resistant to start?

    Lynne

    April 1, 2009

    I fear not knowing who I really am, or who I will be when I reach my weight goal. I know who I “created” when I was at my highest weigh, but I don’t think I need that crutch anymore. One of the scariest parts of my journey is discovering the real me.

    Amy

    April 1, 2009

    I think I’ve been hiding behind the fat, therefore not living the life I want or putting myself out there. Too much rejection over the years that I associated with my weight. I am afraid of not knowing the thin me, as Lynne said, discovering the real me. Who’s hiding inside there, ready to get out? She’s got to be different than the one sitting here. Am I ready to face her/meet her? It’s also easier to be this way, than to do the work.

    Jill

    April 2, 2009

    What a great post! I’ve been following your blog for a couple of months. I too am on a weightloss journey. I started weight watchers this past August. After 10 months I had only lost 10 lbs and was very discouraged.
    One of my best friends had recently lost weight by doing weight watchers and running. I told her I would love to run, but I never been able to run. I couldn’t even run for 3 mins straight without dying. She told me that any one could become a runner. She inspired me and I decided to try running. I rejoined WW in December and started running in January. I made the goal to run a half marathon in June.

    Since rejoining, I’ve lost 25 more lbs. Running is becoming easier and a couple of weeks ago I hit 8.5 miles. In the past couple of weeks I have been getting a lot of compliments on my running and weightloss. I feel that my running and weightloss are the topic of conversation everywhere I go. I have always been somewhat overweight and I really don’t like attention. This recent attention has been making me very uncomfortable and I am beginning to see Tall Poppy syndrome. I don’t like talking about my success, but at the same time it bothers me when people don’t notice it. Does that make sense? I have a sister who I am really close to and she is also battling weightloss. I am very uncomfortable around her. I feel like I can’t celebrate my success because it will hurt her feelings. I still have 20-25 more lbs to lose and I hope that I will be able to maintain and stay at a healthy weight. I think when it all comes down to it…maintaince is my biggest fear! Thanks for the post!

    Jill

    April 2, 2009

    oops! I meant 10 weeks not months!

    Mary @ A Merry Life

    April 3, 2009

    I’m afraid of being where you are. I’m afraid of succeeding and being in a situation where everything is unfamiliar. Eh.

    marymaybe

    April 3, 2009

    this is an awesome post and i am struggling with myself. this came at a perfect time. thank you Roni

    Lou

    April 4, 2009

    Roni, I love this post/QotW. How you keep this so fresh all the time is just amazing to me.

    As for the QotW goes, from my perspective it is a matter or what you value which is what you are afraid of losing. I personally value my integrity, my humility and my morals most. Now that is what I am afraid of losing most sometimes. I hate it when I start to talk as if I have all the answers. I don’t I have to always take a step back from myself to keep an honest perspective. I said something on my facebook page that kind of floored me after I read it. I was talking about training others to do a 5k race and there were two choices a early race and a late summer race. I boldly said something like, heck I might just do both they are “only” 5ks. ONLY 5Ks…? Up until August I could not even “a single” 5k never mind contemplate running two of them in as many days.

    So my fear is not losing my place with my peers but losing my place in my heart. I have to be true to me and who I am first. That is what I fear the most I guess.