Why do you think people have a hard time losing weight?

66 Responses to Why do you think people have a hard time losing weight?

1. pam says:

   February 26, 2009 at 10:49 am

   FOOD FOR THOUGHT (no pun intended)
   WHAT IF? We did not live in the “land of plenty”? What if you and I and all of us lived in a place where food was not easy to come by, where we didn’t have choices (like africa, or remote mountain communities in the US) Would we still have all this emotional baggage about weight? Or, would we be eating to survive, would our will power kick in?

   That was just a question I asked myself as I was thinking about what I was going to give up for lent. We have it sooooo easy….tooooo easy to get food in the US. What a luxury that we have all these choices. I am sure my great grandpa would have been laughing his rear off if I told him I could buy a watermelon in January, Or, there was thousands of varieties of pop, water, and vitamin drinks not just root beer.

   By the way, I am going to try and cut off pop consumption for lent. TRY.
2. amy says:

   February 26, 2009 at 11:37 am

   Go Kim!
3. Charlie Hills says:

   February 26, 2009 at 12:59 pm

   Yes, pam, that fits in well with my theory which is clear in my head but oh so hard to get into words, wordsmith that I am.

   Let’s take a look at Roni’s original question, “Why do you think people have a hard time losing weight?” We got a lot of replies about willpower, emotional eating, being too busy, discipline … but I don’t think anyone really got to the heart of the matter.

   I can now use my previous replies and factor in pam’s “food for thought” to (succinctly) define the problem.

   1) For the bulk of our existence on this planet, our species lived with a scarcity of food. (Just like all animals.) Our bodies, with the raw instinct to survive at all costs, got used to the notion of eating all it could whenever it could because it had no idea how long it might be before the next meal. Further, it became highly attracted to high-energy foods because those foods meant one thing: life. Yeah, chewing on a leaf is good, but a big ol’ hunk a mammoth just can’t be beat for actual survival.

   2) Over the last few hundred years, we really got GOOD at making sure food wouldn’t be scarce. And over the last few decades, we invented supermarkets that meant anything you wanted to eat, any time you wanted to eat it, would be available. And here’s the kicker: “want”. Remember point 1? Your body WANTS to eat. It doesn’t know life any other way. And when it WANTS something, it GETS it. And when we’ve constructed a society that turns “GETS it” into the most effortless thing possible, then you have a problem.

   Okay, now to the succinct part. :)

   Q. Why do you think people have a hard time losing weight?

   A. Because losing weight means eating less and our bodies simply weren’t designed to not eat. We have such a hard time losing weight because by definition its swimming against a very strong biological current.
4. roni says:

   February 26, 2009 at 3:08 pm

   WOW WOW WOW

   I cannot believe the conversation I have started. I’ve been sitting back enjoying it but I need to chime in.

   First I want to address Charlies “Biological current” and Pam’s “Land of Plenty” and please understand I’m totally playing Devils Advocate here. I think you both make great points.

   What about the millions of people who live in the same environment who DO NOT have weight issues. Those that work, live, eat, breath around food yet have no problems/issues restraining or limiting food intake when they are satisfied. I use my husband as an example. The man could work in a bakery during the day, a pizza parlor during dinner and the night shift at an ice cream place. Even with all that food readily available the dude eats only when hungry and stops when full. He’s made no emotional attachments to food he doesn’t look to a pint of Ben & Jerry’s when stressed. Is he not in the same situation as us all?

   He also doesn’t have the same preoccupation with his body that I do. He doesn’t feel bad about himself because a certain size jean didn’t fit or that his friends wear a smaller size. Does he wish to change a few things about his body. Sure, we all do. But he doesn’t respond the same way I do by going a crash diet.

   Now I’m first to admit we are all different. So I accept I got the short end of the stick on the food/diet side of the house. That’s cool, we all have different genes, experiences, upbringings etc.

   Chalking it up to a simple… “We are designed to eat” isn’t good enough for me. People are also designed to pro-create for the better of human kind yet we limit our offspring. We are also designed to care for our young, yet mothers abandoned their children. The thing that makes us different then those rats is a sense of self and the ability to choose. People make hard decisions every day sometimes fighting their instincts.

   I tend to agree with Lori

   “I think it boils down to unwillingness to change. Or lack of desire.”

   When I failed all previous times before it was because I didn’t want to change. I just wished I was thin but wishing wasn’t good enough. When I actually decided to change that’s when things started to make sense.

   Q. Why do you think people have a hard time losing weight?

   A. Because losing weight means making hard choices and sometimes we just don’t want to do that.
5. Charlie Hills says:

   February 26, 2009 at 4:24 pm

   I’ll play “Roni’s Advocate” first, then my own Advocate again. :)

   What about the millions of people who live in the same environment who DO NOT have weight issues?

   You actually answered it yourself, “Now I’m first to admit we are all different.” Yes. We are all different. We share the same basic DNA blueprints. But once we’ve been “instantiated” we are unique. Some of us have weight issues and some of us don’t. Some of us become highly paid NBA stars and some of us don’t. Some of us get cancer and some of us don’t. But I don’t think that invalidates my biological underpinnings.

   You’re right when you say “Chalking it up to a simple… ‘We are designed to eat’ isn’t good enough for me.” Because, once again, I still have not been able to construct the words that properly get my point across.

   What makes me happy is that you say, “Because losing weight means making hard choices and sometimes we just don’t want to do that.” Because it highlights the very point I’ve yet been unable to make.

   “Making hard choices”
   “Just don’t want to”

   If you really, really dissect these statements using the pure biological argument, what does it mean to make a choice? I don’t believe that “making a choice” is as easy as making a choice. I think choices just happen, unbidden, but then our higher order brain functions interpret this as something we actively took part in. That’s why I said this is hard to swallow, because it goes against everything we like to believe about ourselves; about being in control.

   Think about it: do you actively and consciously choose to be happy? (I’m not talking about an overarching, lifestyle kind of thing, but the pure and simple emotion of being happy at a given point in time.) Do you choose to be angry? If someone cuts you off in traffic, do you whip out your spreadsheet, made two columns of pros and cons, add up the numbers, and then come to a decision, “Yep, that’s it. That action is going to piss me off.” Do you ever choose to be sad? Or do certain inputs touch nerves and trigger sadness? Do you choose to be hungry? Or does hungry just happen?

   Hungry just happens. Like any other feeling or emotion or sensation: it just happens. And our bodies react. For many of us, the biological need to feed forces us to overeat. For some of us, like Roni’s husband, their biological need to feed has an off switch. How do I explain that? Maybe they’re just more advanced from an evolutionary point of view. Obviously that’s not going to happen to the entire species at once: it could be that some of us have actually finally adapted to this new, non-scarce food environment and in ten thousand years, 97% of us will catch up to these outliers.

   I don’t think caving in when presented with a bag of Doritos or a plate of cookies is a lack of willpower. No more than I think NOT caving in is a sign of willpower. If your husband worked in a bakery or pizzeria and never ever ate, is it because he won some massive internal struggle and his willpower overcame the desire to eat? Or his body is such that it says, “Nope. Don’t need that. No biggie.” That’s awesome that some people are like that.

   But I don’t think that means the rest of us are just too weak or lazy to make those “hard choices.” There’s more to it than just making a hard choice or wanting to follow through. The very fact that the choice is hard at all lends all the weight I need to the biological argument. :)
6. sherijung says:

   February 26, 2009 at 4:24 pm

   And why are we as a nation so much fatter now than 20-30 years ago? Do we have that much more food available?

   Could it be tied to US farm subsidies that make certain foods cheaper than others? (corn, dairy versus fruits & veggies)

   Could it be related to our out-of-control consumer culture that argues against self-denial?

   Why do we follow one self-preservation strategy (eating in time of plenty) even as it is killing us (diabetes, heart disease, etc)?

   Why do I crave cookies and chocolate but not apples and bananas?

   Why do women choose bad men? Hey, don’t you think it’s a similar situation? Why do we make choices that hurt us in the end, you know?
7. roni says:

   February 26, 2009 at 5:21 pm

   “The very fact that the choice is hard at all lends all the weight I need to the biological argument. :)”

   How? Getting up after 5 hours of sleep to go to work is hard….. Parenting is hard…. Nursing a child is hard…. Algebra is hard…. Remember to brush my teeth before bed is hard…. buying a new house is hard… moving is hard…. getting your toddler to eat broccoli is hard….

   We, as human being still do these things. We do things daily that are hard. How does that lend to your argument?.

   I’m not doubting it’s hardER for some. But you seem believe it’s impossible. I disagree.

   So really playing devils advocate ….

   How do you explain me or anyone else who has successfully lost weight?
8. pam says:

   February 26, 2009 at 5:51 pm

   More food for though and then I will shut up.
   The on/off switch is something that I will always stuggle with. I can be on plan or knowingly Off plan. BUT….key word…..Awareness! I am aware that I am off plan. And, I have the tools to get back on the bus. When choices get hard and willpower gives in…..I have done this long enough to routinely get back on plan. It feels like home….it is a routine. Just like nursing (ouch by the way), chemistry, my job, my marriage, running. It all takes conscious work, awareness, AND WILLPOWER (Self Discipline)

   Now, I don’t know why I can be watching the same tv show as my hubby and he is blissfully watching the show and I am sitting there next to him thinking about the ice cream in the fridge that has my name on it. I will make the effort to get out of my comfortable chair and walk into the kitchen to partake……hubby wouldn’t consider that. He full tired and enjoying the movie and we just ate supper for heaven sake.
   Why are we different? We just are.

   Land of plenty??? I feel like we are constantly tempted by food, commercials, friends, and family. We not only have an abundance of food, but it is fast, easy, and filled with bad things for you. Not to mention that it is fairly cheap. I refer to my great grandparents. Gram never bought a bag of premade cookies. Or, a frozen meal in a bag etc……
   Everything was homemade. That ate 3 meals and they breaked for coffe about 3:00. EVERY DAY! They drank cream, used butter, and ate chicken WITH THE SKIN ON! They never went to the gym or made a conscious effort to walk, run, etc….They worked it off.

   Hmmmmmm where am I going with this. It just seems to me that with all these convienciences that we all have to be so much more aware of what we put in our bodies, including drinks, food, water, exercise, etc ….

   This of course is my observation with my own self and does not represent anyone else on this site. ha ha ha ha
9. Charlie Hills says:

   February 26, 2009 at 7:29 pm

   Okay, let me back up a bit and take a different path. (My first path is eventually going to get me to the point where I start talking about the atomic makeup of each human and into physical deterministic models. No one wants me to go there!)

   So you said, “How do you explain me or anyone else who has successfully lost weight?”

   I say that you, me, and everyone else who has successfully lost weight has done so because at some point the calories burned exceeded the calories consumed. No one argues that point. (I hope!)

   Of course, your original question is why is it hard. You correctly point out that we do lots of other hard things: wake up early, raise children, brush our teeth. So I believe what you’re asking, in effect, is “why is weight loss so much more difficult than all the other difficult things we seem to deal with just fine?”

   And my answer to that is because I don’t believe that eating can be considered a “choice” the same way brushing our teeth is. Why? Because eating is closely tied to our innate survival instincts and brushing teeth isn’t. Getting up early isn’t. Making kids eat broccoli isn’t. Moving to a new house isn’t. Every single decision we make, from the very difficult to the no-brainers, all come down to a near-instantaneous weighing of options, or as I like to call them “vectors.” The brain processes dozens, hundreds, probably even thousands of vectors at any given point to come to a single decision. Each vector has a direction, velocity, and weight. Subsequently, not all vectors are equal.

   Let’s take a look how this might work. It’s time to brush your teeth. What vectors are there? I’m tired. I’d be okay if I skip a day. I really want to keep my teeth. I know I should do this every day. What if I have to kiss someone? Eventually your brain processes all these vectors and the net sum of the vectors is your choice: you do or do not brush your teeth.

   Now another scenario. Your body has sent hungry signals. What do you do. Let’s look at the vectors: I’m hungry. I like food. Food is close by. I shouldn’t eat. I have made a lifestyle change and therefore I will not eat. I could get a glass of water and see if that helps. I have a weigh in tomorrow. I have a blog post next Monday. Eventually your brain processes all these vectors and the net sum of the vectors is your choice: you do or do not eat.

   So my biology argument (as well as my “hard choice”) argument ties in with this fact that eating typically has a much, much heavier, stronger vector than many of those other things. Consequently, it wins out more often, and consequently we have a harder time controlling our eating. Yes, some people are blessed with a very “light vector” food component. Most of us aren’t. But I don’t think it changes my premise (or theory).

   And hopefully I’m done. :)

   One day I’ll get this all written up into a single, coherent message.
10. Charlie Hills says:

    February 26, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    My earlier attempts at explain this can found at my blog:

    http://www.backtothefridge.com/blog/elephant/
    http://www.backtothefridge.com/blog/psych-out/

    That is if anyone’s still interested in the topic. If you’re not, I don’t blame you. I’m plum tuckered out now!
11. pam says:

    February 27, 2009 at 10:59 am

    One quick response….most of my eating doesn’t occur when I am hungry.
12. bob says:

    August 12, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    “Until you can create inside yourself a place of peace and acceptance, no amount of willpower is going to keep that weight off.”

    i think thats absolute crap, emily. many people gain that peace and acceptance when they finally get the weight off. gaining peace and acceptance is what motivates some people. you don’t have to accept yourself to change something. sometimes you have to change it first. it might not sound very good, but it is true. u can call it insecurity or whatever, but if it motivates someone enough to lose weight, who cares?
13. missa says:

    October 12, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    The honest truth is people believe what they want too, it is eat less exersize more plain an simple it does work it’s like saying the sun doesn’t shine because you don’t believe it does losing weight is simple math, throids or medcication make a difference in how hard it is but losing or gaining is calories that’s it. . I have hit areas where i stopped losing and i was not honest about or knowlegable about what i ate. Healthy means noothng if you eat to many calories, it all adds up, coffee,tea, that small peiece of chocolate.. most don’t know how many calories they get in a day they try to guess and forget that chip, or whatever then wonder why your not losing. the fact is no one cares if you reach your goal so stop making excuses and read, expirement and see what works for you…
14. Jenny says:

    October 27, 2009 at 6:57 am

    (Please keep in mind I have no educational background in this topic and am merely iterating my personal experiences.)

    The problem with people who desire to lose weight is that they think they can achieve weight loss by eating a healthy, stable diet. The problem with that is, by exercising and keeping up a healthy diet, you will *maintain* your current weight. You have to *cut back* in order to lose weight. I currently weigh about 129 pounds, and I remember being 143 and feeling helpless. I wasn’t a pig, and I didn’t have particularly unhealthy eating habits. I tried time after time to lose weight, and always found the second day the hardest. The first day was easy: the feeling of dissatisfaction with an undesired image would usually propel me through the first 24 hours, but the moment I allowed my guard to drop on the second day, all was lost. When I finally maintained a healthy diet and exercise routine, I lost a couple pounds and then flatlined. I couldn’t lose anymore. I was eating three meals a day, regular snacks, and was exercising three times a week. What was wrong with me?
    The problem was, I was taking in a certain amount of calories and getting rid of the same amount. I was right back to where I started. Therefore, to lose weight, you *do* have to give up parts of a diet that are considered acceptable when you simply want to maintain your weight and not decrease it. Those snacks, however healthy or multigrain they might seem- lose them. They’re extra calories that your body really does not need! You might feel the slight tinge of hunger, but it’s nothing your body can’t easily cope with until the next meal. Cut back on your meal sizes. We all know at what point our hunger is satisfied. Don’t go over that limit! So many people who try to lose weight think that as long as the food they eat is healthy, they can eat however much of it that they want. Not true! Healthier foods may benefit you more than nutrient lacking foods, but the buildup of calories is still the same, and any that are not used by the end of the day will add to your weight. By adding a self-suited exercise regimen, you will find the pounds dropping. It worked for me, and I’ve never tried one fad diet. Ever.
    Once you lose the weight you desire, you can work back slowly to a bigger calorie diet. This does not mean you can indulge in your old eating habits once more. However, your objective goal is no longer to lose weight, but to maintain your current weight. This means you simply have to burn off all of the calories you intake – not more than what you intake. Now, those little multigrain snacks -if you so desire- are okay.
    Losing weight, I have to say, is about determination. It’s not easy, and I think we try to comfort each other by sharing stories of lament and idealizing together that since it is so hard, not working, and perhaps some of us don’t have the willpower, than there must be an easier way. There is not. No fad diet is going to cure your weight loss (in the long run). No pill is going to help. It’s hard work, but if you have the determination – and yes, the willpower- to follow it, you will see results.
15. Christopher says:

    August 22, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Thank you for taking the time to explore this. I appreciate your honesty.
16. therapist in Pasadena CA says:

    January 25, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    Hi, Roni—thank you for your thoughtful blog on weight loss. I especially appreciate that you are digging below the surface to the thoughts/feelings that undermine your efforts to be lean and fit. You have put your finger on one of the primary clinical issues that interferes with weight loss– perfectionism. When people are perfectionists, they are likely to have “all or nothing” thinking– i.e. “if I make one mistake, all my ‘good’ is wiped out and my attempts to do better are in vein.” This kind of reductionistic thinking is extremely common, and is the backbone of self-destructive behavior. (On an extreme level, perfectionism can lead to self hate, which can also fuel depression.) If you can’t see your genuine efforts in “grey” terms, which includes the good and the bad, then you will be quick to beat yourself up, and quick to sabotage your earnest efforts to do well.
    Why are people so perfectionistic , so “all or nothing” in their thinking? Evolutionary psychologists have identified three personality traits that are genetically passed on– perfectionism is one of those traits. That’s the nature piece. (On the bright side, being “perfect” helped the species to survive—perfectionism means learning from your mistakes and avoiding danger.) There is also a nurture component to perfectionism– perfectionists are usually trained by their parents to think in less than forgiving terms. (Think “tiger mom” article in WSJ.) When you’re raised in that environment, your brain is hard-wired at an early age to discount the earnest, yet flawed attempts at doing things well. These parents think in black and white. There is no acknowledgement of grey or good enough—it has to be perfect, to get the praise of critical parents.
    There’s another component that leads to over-eating. People who are perfectionistic can often end up feeling “empty”, which fuels the compulsion to over-eat. The emptiness comes from multiple factors: Perfectionism can lead to lowered self-esteem, self-hate, depression, and isolation from others. (You feel especially “empty” when you’re critical of yourself—it’s like living with a nasty “mom” in your head who’s always telling you you’re not good enough. This diminishes self-esteem, and leads to more feelings of emptiness. It’s also hard to feel close to others when you’re self-critical—you may not feel good enough to engage, or perhaps, you’re critical of your loved ones too, and they’re keeping their emotional distance, causing you to hate on yourself even more.)
    Eating can be one of the few pleasures within your control if you’re feeling empty or emotionally depleted. People who over-eat often feel as though food is one of their only real “friends”—food nurtures them on their own terms, when human beings fail them. So, naturally, going on a diet that is full of boring, non-nurturing foods can add to the emotional emptiness, and the compulsion to “cheat” on the diet.
    It is possible to retrain yourself to be more loving and more forgiving of your flawed self. You probably try to do this for your children, but so many moms have a hard time having that generous standard for themselves. As a clinical psychologist in Pasadena CA, I work with patients every day, helping them to develop new neuropathways in their brains– or new reflexive responses that are kind, and reasonable, rather than harsh and self-defeating. Not everyone needs a psychologist to help them develop this kinder thinking, but for those who are deeply entrenched in the critical, perfectionistic way of relating to themselves, it is good to be exposed to someone who will give you new messaging that can eventually be internalized. When you “cheat” on your diet, it’s good to have someone who understands and appreciates your empty feelings and your need to self-medicate with delicious food, rather than shaming you or criticizing you for not having enough “will power.” The emotional battle is a real one, and those who want to “win” the battle have to learn to be gentle with themselves, and appreciative of the complex struggle.