One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Taking the Blindfold Off!

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The Weight Watchers receptionist thought I was insane. Unfortunately, the women who weighed me in last week, the one I explained my whole neurotic "don’t show me the number" theory about staying motived, wasn’t there. So I had to explain to another person (who thought I was crazy) about the whole blind weigh-in approach.

I handed her the weight tracker, partially dying to know what was written inside and partially scared to death. WHY?!? It’s only a number on the scale. My clothes fit great. I feel strong. I’m running. Staying active. Eating good. WHY is that STUPID number so FREAKIN’ powerful?

Anyway, I handed it to her. Stepped on the scale. Took a deep breath and looked up.

She says…"I think you may want to see this."

I say, "Are you sure? cause for some reason, I’m totally freaked out right now."

"Take a look."

"Naaa maybe I should wait one more week."

"No, seriously, take a look."

"Ok."

Now I really have no idea what to expect.

The first thing I see is the posted note with last weeks weigh-in. 150.4 pounds. That’s 1.4 pounds over my goal weight. I haven’t see number that high since 1/4/2006! THREE YEARS AGO! HOLY CRAP! I have to admit… it stung. I’m glad I didn’t peak!

Then my eyes slowly shifted over to this weeks weigh-in. 145. 1.8 pounds LESS then what I weighed 2 weeks before Christmas. I was ecstatic! Not because I lost (although that feel REALLY good too) but because I knew it would be ok. I knew that if I disconnected from the scale but kept my accountability I’d be alright.

My three year anniversary of reaching goal is Sunday. I weighed WAY less then goal for a bit and my weight has fluctuated 10 pounds (all under goal except for last week) these passed three years. I’m ecstatic about that too.

Here’s what I learned (or.. well… proved to myself once again)…

  • A few days of crap eating will show a much higher number then you "deserve". Your body holds onto a lot of crap, water and waste as it readjusts to you normal healthy eating again. There is no way you gain 5lbs of fat overnight, or even a week (well… at least that REALLY hard :).
  • I am able to "recover" from a few days of overindulgence. I feel so much better when I return to "normal" healthy eating.
  • I am not perfect, never will be and that is OK. It’s about eating MORE good THAN bad, not eating ALL good and NO bad. (does that make sense? and did I just use THAN correctly?!? Holy CRAP! I better sign off before the pigs fly by window. )

P.S. I updated my Weight Progress if you want to peak at my history a bit.



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Discussion

There are 34 comments so far.

    erika

    January 8, 2009

    my new years goal was to not let the number be in control, and the only way i could figure out how to do that was to stop weighing all the time. it was beyond obsessive, sometimes 3 x a day. now it’s the first of the month and that’s it… and so far, i feel better mentally. but it’s difficult to not know the number. my problem with the number was that i couldn’t win, ever. if i lose, i eat whatever i want to award myself. if i gain, i eat whatever i want because i feel sorry for myself. so now i’m focusing on what feels right. then again, it’s only the 7th. it’s going to be a very long month. i mean, it’s it kind of weird that you are so mad at yourself for the 150 and so happy with the 145 when really, if you didn’t know any of that, you’d be happy with your health and more forgiving of your off days. right?

    erika

    January 8, 2009

    (whoops. i meant “ISN’T it kind of weird…”

    roni

    January 8, 2009

    RIGHT! That’s my point! We let the scale dictate too much to us, me included. :)

    Benjamin Teal

    January 8, 2009

    First, two congratulations:

    1.) 3 year anniversary of reaching goal, AND
    2.) Realizing that you can control your weight.

    Those are two big accomplishments. Too many people get down on themselves for too long when they see the scale go up. Heck, it goes up and down all the time, sometimes for no good reason, let alone the fact that you had a few slices of pizza.

    The real test of a person is how they handle the adversity of a number that is higher than expected. Do they go off the deep end and dive into a gallon of ice cream, or do they do what you do, and say, I can control this, and buckle down.

    That is what I love about keeping a journal (which you have obviously done an outstanding job with). You can look back several years ago, and see how far you have come, and say, “You know what, a few pounds ain’t so bad,” and then rationally make a tweak in your workout or diet plan.

    You have to always keep in mind that fat loss is a lifestyle change – a marathon, not a sprint. It is another case where often, the tortoise wins.

    It took me a while to figure that out, but once I did, I have never looked back.

    Eating junk is okay sometimes, and I encourage it. I have a few foods myself that call my name, and I give into the Noid, just to calm him down for a while. I may put on a pound, but it is worth it to keep your sanity.

    Thanks for the great post as usual, Roni!

    crazylady

    January 8, 2009

    That’s fantastic Roni. Way to go you and you are so right about… well everything!!! I’m definitely learning as time goes on that the number doesn’t need to be a big deal. It’s just one small tool in my weight-loss arsenal and not something to obsess about.

    Rebecca

    January 8, 2009

    This was a fun little plot line Roni! My time zone is ahead of you and all day yesterday I kept thinking…when is she going to go to class to weigh in?! I kept checking to see if you had updated yet! You had me hooked with that one.

    Geri

    January 8, 2009

    Congratulations for your anniversary Roni! And thank you for posting yuor insights into the weight loss and maintenance process, they are so valuable. We can get weight loss and maintenance information – the mechanics of “how to” anywhere – but what you share is rare. Thanks for your reflections and ah moments, and for sharing them with us.

    Geri

    Christy

    January 8, 2009

    Great job! We all know you would be okay :-)

    I have noticed a few modifications to your site. They look good. I like the “Click here for an introduction” link up above…that is a great way to catch people up. And adding all the links to your websites at the top was cool too. Makes it even easier to get to GLB.

    MaryB

    January 8, 2009

    Yay Roni that is awesome!! ‘Weigh’ to go LOL!
    I swear you show us time and time again that EXERCISE is the secret to losing weight/keeping it off. I’m thinking that spontaneous 5K you ran helped a lot!

    Melissa

    January 8, 2009

    Congrats Roni! I think a blind weigh in is a great idea. I know I try not to weigh myself obsessively. It can be so sabotaging. One year at WW the leader challenged me to not use my scale at home and only his (yes he was a male leader) and I lost like 4 lbs that week! Seeing little losses can lead to food rewards!!

    Brandi

    January 8, 2009

    CONGRATS!!! That is a very good lesson to learn. I could definitely take a few tips from you on that one. I’m having the same issue today. I have the scale you reviewed awhile back that doesn’t tell you numbers, just how much you lost or gained. But this last weekend after the holidays, I could feel I’d gained. I could feel it in my clothes, I could see it (mostly in my head), and I was NOT happy about it. Today is usually weigh in day, but I’m not gonna. I’m going to give it one more week to sift itself back out to normal before I give that scale an opportunity to determine my mood.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. It helps knowing that someone out there is going through the same thing, and that instead of just quitting, they were able to get back on track and THEN SOME!

    mary

    January 8, 2009

    Great job Roni! Yet again, you nail it on the head…we are all concerned about our holiday weight gain and you have proven that if we just get back on track, just for one day, control will again be percieved as ours! Really proud of you girly!

    Dawn

    January 8, 2009

    Roni, that’s awesome! Way to go! You give girls like me hope that I’ll be back to where I was in high school…I’m proud of ya hon!

    Keri

    January 8, 2009

    That is BRILLIANT! I’m taping this to my scale:

    “Keep up the great work! The scale doesn’t always show what you deserve.”

    Poetry!!

    petunia

    January 8, 2009

    Roni this is a great post.
    I’m with you all the way.

    Jennifer

    January 8, 2009

    Awesome! :) And what’s even better is that you lost 5.4 pounds last week!? That just goes to show you that your weight last week wasn’t a “REAL” giant gain… just water and retention on top of some extra calories for several days. I’m sure if you had seen that number you would have been devastated and felt set-back, but not knowing let you push through, realize your indulgences, and correct without flipping out about numbers but rather following your body’s signals that enough is enough. SO GREAT! That’s a good lesson for us all… maybe I’ll try letting my husband record my number for me when I feel like I’ve been giving in to food a little too much to hold myself accountable but not become discouraged.

    Alisha

    January 8, 2009

    Great work RONI! I think it is great that you have been back to WW and I think that is the best thing about WW is that you are always a part….not one of those that when you reach goal you quit. Keep up the great work and positive thinking!!! :)

    Melissa

    January 8, 2009

    Roni:
    I did the same thing….I did NOT weigh in after the holidays because I knew it would be up and didn’t want to have that number glaring at me. Two days into being back in the weight loss mode, I did weigh in because I was feeling so good and I was one pound below my pre-holiday weight! I NEVER would have believed it but there you go….(who knows how much I was up, really, but I don’t care–I just WAS)
    I really think it was the fact that I kept up my exercise during the holidays but let the eating slide. So nice to be back where I was (maintaining) without too much damage.
    Putting the scale away (like I did) was incredibly smart of me.
    Thanks for the reinforcement!!

    Sheila | Live Well 360°

    January 8, 2009

    I remember those Weight Watcher scale days!!! I used to always almost starve myself until I weighed in, so that the weight on the scale was lower. I have come a long way since then!

    These days, I only use the scale as a gauge. And actually I find it interesting to watch the trend, up and down, depending on what I eat. At this point, I know that I have control and that the scale doesn’t control me, so its not scary anymore. It took me a long long time to get to that place, but I can now confidantly say, “THE SCALE OWNS ME NO MORE!!” :-)

    Good luck on your weight loss, I know you will be there in no time!

    Sheila
    http://livewell360.com

    Annette

    January 8, 2009

    staying accountable is soo important :) I promised myself I will never lose my scale for more than a week :) Denial used to be my middle name. YOU ROCK!

    gottahavefaith

    January 8, 2009

    Amen! Congratulations, Roni. I am also celebrating, as this was my first holiday season where I didn’t gain weight! I actually ended up through finals season down a couple of pounds from my normal weight and by the end of Christmas, I was smack dab in the middle of my normal range. I’m still coming down from the sugar high, but you’re so very right that a few days of indulgence don’t have to throw you off track! For me, it was also important to remember that there would be good food coming for weeks and it was fine to stop when I was full rather than stuffing myself at every single event.

    Kathy

    January 8, 2009

    I hope you find this funny…..
    but I’m more impressed that you used ‘than’ in the right way than that you are right where you want to be weight wise……let me explain.
    With all that you do, c’mon…we all KNEW you were going to be ok right?…you’re Blog to Lose freakin Roni…..;-P
    But using THAN correctly? WOW….(One of my pet peeves is when people use there and their or two, too and to wrong – that kinda stuff…what can I say – I’m neurotic in my own way!)
    LMAO…..hope you’re amused
    Congrats on both!

    Melissa

    January 8, 2009

    Way to go, Roni!! :)

    Nancy

    January 8, 2009

    A bouquet of roses to you, Roni! YEE! HAW! CONGRATS! It feels good to be in control, doesn’t it? I started Weight Watchers the week before Thanksgiving, 2003. I became a Lifetime Member on March 19, 2004….what a moumental day for me! I just weighed in this morning at my local WW location. I’ve been staying healthy and am so proud of myself! I can’t wait to get my BRAVO sticker each month! It’s tough but sooooooo worth it!

    Dana

    January 8, 2009

    Hi Roni…I commend you for all you do but the thing I commend you most for is keeping your food in control with as much time as you spend on the computer (or as much time as I think you are on the computer – LOL)!

    I am on the computer more and more lately (I work full-time and am a full-time student) and that’s when I eat JUNK! Bad, bad habit but so easy to do!

    Dana

    Angie

    January 8, 2009

    Way to go, Roni! I was anxious to hear your update. I’m with you on everything. You are truly an inspiration.

    Alexia

    January 8, 2009

    What a wonderful freeing realization :-)

    Tawnya

    January 8, 2009

    Way to go Roni! You are such an inspiration! I did look at my weight after my weigh-in today and I shouldn’t have! I was up 3.4. I am going to try my hardest to avoid my scale at home and not weigh again until my meeting next week.

    KK (Running Through Life)

    January 8, 2009

    “It’s about eating MORE good THAN bad, not eating ALL good and NO bad.”

    This makes perfect sense! I love it! Congrats Roni!

    Leslie

    January 8, 2009

    wow Roni, that’s great!! Good job. I have to tell you, This is my first week “back”on ww and although my eating habits have been turned upside down.. I am nervous about the scale tomorrow. You are right about those numbers having complete controll. ughhh.
    Keep up the great work.

    Susan

    January 9, 2009

    Roni,

    Great job! And yes, you did use the correct than! Then = then the boy hit the ball. Than = comparing like an apple is better than an orange.

    P.s you are too hard on yourself about your grammar – it isn’t bad at all! ;) And that is coming from a teacher (with an English degree).

    Susan

    January 9, 2009

    ;)

    Zandria

    January 9, 2009

    A few months ago, I got a higher-than-comfortable-with number on the scale, too. But the very next week, I was back to normal — I guess it was some weird fluke. Either way, I couldn’t help feeling relieved. :)

    Laura

    January 9, 2009

    that is fantastic!!! I am so jealous….i weigh in tomorrow..i should be lookign foward to it, i have walked the treadmill the last 11 out of 12 days and all week i have stuck to plan ( i do jenny craig ) except for one meal but the scale is not showing it…but i am determined to be at my ultimate goal which is 15 lbs less than i originally wanted by jan 30th which is my 1 year anniversary on Jenny craig. I loved what you wrote about it takes a while to get the crap out…i am hoping that is what this…
    good thing is that i am working out!!!