I think I’m slowly figuring that out. Actually I kinda knew it all along but it was worth a shot right? So my crazy audition day story ends with a "you don’t have enough culinary or hosting experience." Which I kind of knew already so it’s not like I’m shocked or anything. It just stings to be rejected. Everyone knows that.
At least the casting director was super nice. We had quite a few email exchanges and I responded to her very nice rejection letter (I’m not kidding, she was sweet) like so…
Thank you SO much for letting me know. I kind of figured I was WAY under qualified. I was hoping they may have been looking for a new face that people would really relate to as I’m not that different then "them". Just a working mom trying to keep the weight off and eat healthy. :)
I really appreciate the opportunity, as I said. I love doing what I’m doing on these web sites and frankly, I like not having a boss. :~) It means I get to do what ever I want to do when I want to do it. I even get to "work" with my son. What can be more fun the that?!?! :)
Thanks again and I hope to hear from you in the future as I’m always up for a new opportunity!
Writing that letter helped me get over it a bit. I was down for an hour or two reconsidering everything that it is I’m doing. It’s funny how one small little curve ball, or in this case rejection, can put you in a such a contemplative, reflective, and self-conscious mood.
As Giyen said in her post about alter egos "Sometimes I just get so self-absorbed in my own misery that I just plain forget that one bad day out of a series of great days is just ONE bad day."
I feel the same way. I’ve been "failing" a lot lately. Not getting a call back from this audition. I didn’t win the Quaker Oatmeal recipe contest. Not to mention not even making it to round one of the Next Food Network Star show. Geesh! If I had a nickel for all the things I’ve tried and failed this year alone, I’d be dollarnaire! (I kid, I kid)
But seriously. I’ve had conversations with friends who, for some reason, think I "always win". The what ever I try "turns to gold." I don’t normally call them up and tell them when I fail so I kind of get it. But in a weird way, it’s insulting. I mean I work hard for everything I have. It doesn’t just happen.
What’s harder is that I feel like people see me as this confident, have it all together, type of women. When in actuality I’m an insecure girl pretending to be that "confident women who has it all together". Funny thing is the more I pretend the more confident I actually get. But the insecure girl is still inside waiting for any opportunity, like today, to tell me I’m really not good enough. She is in there asking "Who do you think you are? TV? Auditions? Come ON! Roni. You’re crazy. You’re not good enough. You know that."
But if I always listened to her I wouldn’t be where I am today. I wouldn’t have quit my full time job to start my own business. I wouldn’t have landed a full time faculty position at 24. I wouldn’t have got my Masters Degree. Started this blog. Bought my house. Taken a drawing class. Started running. Signed up for the marathon. Played (and get my butt kicked I might add) on the Racquetball Courts by "the boys".
All of these things (and many many more) scare that insecure girl. But the confident women I’m pretending to be knew I had to do them. I wouldn’t be living if I didn’t.
Right? RIGHT? Please tell me I’m right! lol
So I think I just needed to reflect a bit. I actually feel really good getting that all out. Even though you all now think I’m insane. But I’m ok with that. :) I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing as I’m loving it and that’s all that counts. :)