When I posted my New Month’s Eve! post I was trying to convince myself NOT to wait until New Years to get my act together. That’s how I work, by the way, I write what I need to keep myself going. I truly believe it’s how I made it this far on this journey. :~)
So today was a success as I felt in control and made the best choices I could (see food journal below.) I also got a great workout in (my trainer had me in the pool!) and I had some fun toddler time. I even posted a new recipe idea for tilapia on GreenLiteBites.
On all fronts, I had a pretty awesome day. But there’s something lurking under the surface. I just read Dani’s blog (LOVE her, by the way) and she made it to the next round of the Next Food Network Star which means I didn’t :~( as I wasn’t notified.
I also applied to a new show called Cook Yourself Thin. I was ecstatic when they returned my email asking if I’d like to come in for an audition "next week". Well it is "next week" and they still didn’t send me any details. I, of course, think the worse and assume, I’m out of the running. It’s just how my brain works.
The funny thing… these type of opportunities weren’t even on my radar a few months ago. I never thought I’d be pursuing a food/TV career. It’s not something I dreamed about doing as a child. It’s not even something I would have thought possible until starting the videos on GreenLiteBites. But I love what I’m doing on the sites and it seems like a natural next step (is it?) But there is a little nagging part of me that says I’m CRAZY. Who am I to pursue such grand opportunities? I’m not good enough. Not talented enough. I can barley make a living running my own blogs. What AM I DOING? (all of these feelings seem to soothed by food of course-could be why I needed a good self talk.)
I had a conversation with a close friend a few months ago. I confided in her that I had NO idea what I was doing. I quit a very good job for such an unknown future. I mean, WHAT is a professional blogger anyway? WHAT is it that I do? I’m not a writer. I’m not really a technologist anymore. I don’t teach. I’m have no professional cooking experience. I’m not a photographer. Not a designer. Not a programmer. I’m not even a student anymore. Geesh… I always thought I’d take classes but I’ve been too busy these last few months to even find a course I want to take.
What am I? Where am I going? What the heck do I want to do when I grow up?!? Yes people, I’m 32 and still asking myself that. Did I ever tell you I had about every job known to God? Let’s see if I can do the list starting from age 14 to current odd state of "pro-blogger"…
- Worked at a Bagel Shop (I begged my mom to sign the papers so I can get a REAL job that wasn’t babysitting LOL)
- McDonald’s (this job lasted 5 years and I worked there the same time as a few of the other down the list — Yes, I was a crazy high schooler with 2 jobs)
- Clothing store at the Mall (Learners, HATED it)
- Multiple Student Aid Jobs in College (pool hall, worked for printing department, Chemistry Department)
- Worked in the Kitchen of a Nursing Home
- College Food Service
- Summer job in Industrial Electronic Factory (Made me realize why I was in college, EVERY teenager should be required to work a factory job for one summer, it’s eye opening.)
- Summer job as an office temp
- More Student Aid Jobs
- Summer job traveling as an Infrared Technician (Don’t ask!)
- Residential Computer Consultant (connected people to the college network – with WIRES lol)
- Grad Assistant (office work, built Database for my department)
- Multimedia Programmer (left becuase the industry was too unstable.. layoffs were crazy)
- Assistant Professor (MUCH more stable!)
- Pro-Blogger/Web Consultant (yeah… NOT stable!)
Umm yeah… what’s missing? There’s no doubt I’m forgetting something. It doesn’t matter, as you can see, I’ve never known what I wanted to do and I still don’t. I just went where opportunities presented themselves. What seem like the next best "move." I’ve said a few times before that I’m an interested person. Seriously, almost anything interests me which is why I hopped around so much (I had 4 college majors by the way-most technology related but still).
I have always felt and described myself as a "Jack of all trades, master of none". Part of me is proud of that. Proud that I can be pretty resourceful and draw upon my vast array of experiences to solve problems. And let’s admit it, I love learning new things, I love being creative and I love to, well… solve problems. But, on the other hand, being a "jack" is stressful. I’m very aware that I have a lot to learn, that I’m far from an expert on anything and it gets tiring constantly being in the position of "figuring things out as you go". Which is a state I’ve always been in and AM in.
I’m not sure if I’m making ANY sense. As I said, I just needed to do a bit of soul searching. I guess I’ll just continue to truck along, waiting for the next opportuity?? It’s worked for me so far. :~)
Thanks for "listening", here’s the food journal.. I’m working on a new version of Tweet, Eat, Post. Why? I don’t know. It’s just what I do! lol
|homemade turkey soup||3|
|leftover turkey with a bit of gravy and sweet potatoes||7|
|zone bar -i’m reviewing some of their products!||4|
|Oat and Flax Crusted Tilapia with a side of delicata steak fries & broccoli||6|
|chocolate mint tea||1|
|2 chocolate candies before bed – just because, somehow they made me feel better. bad, i know.||2|
Table provided by Roni’s Food Tweet, Eat, Post Generator.