Crazy, Long-Winded Recap of my Audition Day…

George Costanza once said "Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat – it’s all been wrong."

I won’t dare compare my self to George as I’m not a neurotic, selfish, self-loathing short man who lives with his parents, but I swear, yesterday, every instinct I had really was wrong. I’m serious, it’s uncanny. A comedy of errors mixed with just bad luck that cracks me up! Well… not at first. At first I was mad but then I got over it.

It all started Sunday night around 8PM when I got back from my parents (3 hour drive mind you). From that moment I was all about getting everything ready for Monday mornings trip to New York City and the audition. Outfit laid out, food and equipment packed for my cooking demo, application printed, etc. I was informed I’d be doing a presentation without a kitchen so I needed to bring everything, utensils, pots, pans, etc. So I prepped, took a break, put the toddler to bed, wrote and posted the weekend quote. Needless to say, it was a busy night but somehow I made it to bed around 11:30PM.

Even though I was exhausted I had to take a swig of NyQuil as I could feel my body warding off my first winter cold. Fabulous! Right? the night before the audition and my nose is running, eyes burning and throat scratchy. Just Fabulous. On top of that, I also (and I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this as I hate to throw it out there but the story wouldn’t be complete without it) my, *cough* *cough* friend came to visit this month as well. Yet another thing for me to worry about.

So I hit the hay and set my alarm for 6AM. I actually slept like a baby (NyQuil does it to my every time). I sprung out of better, hopped in the shower, popped some DayQuil and I was ready to go! I couldn’t believe it! Hair done, makeup on, totally ready. I looked at the clock, 7:00AM. Perfect… the train station is 20 minutes away the train leaves at 7:39. I think to myself… and this is key… I don’t want to leave too early and be stuck waiting in the cold. Mind you it’s BITTER out. Like 20 degrees and I’m carrying a bunch of crap with me.

So I say goodbye to the toddler. Look at my stuff one more time to be sure I have everything and I make some decisions. "Hmmmmm" I think, "Do I really want my iPod? I’ll be on the train playing with my phone. I know I’m not going to be listening to it in NYC when I’m walking about. Ah just leave it, one less thing to worry about."

I pull the ipod out of my bag.

Then I hop in the husbands car and head to the train station. Why the husbands? well, ‘my car’ is easier for the toddler to get in and out of so who ever has child has the wagon. It’s just a family rule. Now, there’s one thing you need to know about the husbands car. It’s a 2000 Civic with 125,000 miles on it. The radio no longer works, it’s a bit on the beat up side but we love it. It was the first new car we bought after we graduated college. It’s paid off and it’s ours and we’re kind of running it into the ground at this point. Once it goes then the husband will get his midlife (in our case 30-Something) crisis car, whatever that may be.

Anyway, I’m off! Heading north to the train station. I’ve never been to this station as there is one closer to my house but Amtrak doesn’t stop there. So I’m a bit on uncharted territory which maybe should have been a red flag to leave early. But remember I didn’t want to be cold… Instinct number 1, I should have ignored.

I underestimated the traffic going north (away from the city) so now I’m rushing. I overshot the exit so I have to go 2 miles out of my way. Do you see where this is all going? I’m now frantic and mad at myself for leaving a little late.

I arrive at the train station. It’s a ghost town. I know I didn’t miss it. It’s only 7:35 and I don’t think it would be that early. So I grab all my stuff and start booking it to the platform. Of course I have to cross the tracks as the train will board on the other side. So as I’m running up the stars I hear it! YAY! the train is there and I’m made it!

Or did I?

I start to descend the stairs on the other side only to discover I’m in no mans land. I’m not sure where I am, but I’m not on the platform and there’s a fence in my way. Now I’m running up one of those handicap platforms, dishes clanging in my bag, hair blowing in the wind and I realize I’m going towards the bridge to cross over the tracks again and I know I don’t want to do that! I feel like a little like Chevy Chase in European Vacation…. "Look kids, Big Ben. I can’t get left. I just can’t get LEFT!"

At this point I hear the train whistle, the doors close and I come to the realization I’m not getting on that train.

DARN IT! I call the husband in hysterics. More mad at myself then anything else. I’ve never missed anything in my life, a train, a bus, a plane, ever! I felt like a idiot.

What’s a girl to do? I decide to drive, of course. There’s no way I’m missing the audition and I’ve driven to NY before, It’s not that bad. I just wanted to take the train for convenience sake.

So I turn on the GPS on my phone and hop on 95 North.

At this point I realize… CRAP! I’m in the husbands car, I have no sun glasses, I have no music AND I didn’t bring my iPod (instinct 2). So now I’m left with my thoughts and let me tell you, although I know it’s probably good for me now and then, I HATE not doing, watching, listening, reading SOMETHING. I’m the queen of the multitask. I work and watch TV, I read and listen to the radio, it’s just what I do and now I’m stuck in a car with nothing but thoughts. AHHHHH!!

I’m exaggerated a little. It wasn’t that bad. I actually made it to NYC in 2 and half hours. It was a nice trip, no traffic, nothing. I park the car and realize the audition is literally across the street from the parking lot.

Maybe things are looking up? :)

So I grab a cup of tea at a diner and I go to twitter from my phone. Only to realize I left the stupid navigation thingy on the whole drive (didn’t even really need it by the way another instinct I should have ignored) and it’s drained my battery. Not all the way but enough to make me worry. I didn’t want to by stuck by myself in NY without a cell phone. So I realize my plan on walking around, snapping pictures and twittering is just not going to work. I need to be a little conservative with my battery life.

At this point it’s about 11:30 and I hit the streets. I checked out Macy’s, walked down to the Empire State Building and even bought some jewelry to wear to the audition that matched my outfit perfectly. I’m feeling pretty good.

By 1:15 I decide to go up. I’m tried of walking with all this junk, it’s cold and there is NO WAY I’m going to be late. So I head up.

I tell the receptionist that I’m super early and asked if I could just read in the waiting room (which I’m not very good at doing – I end up watching every one else). About 5 minutes later this beautiful thin women walks in with two huge bags. I hear her say "I’m here for audition." Her appointment was apparently 1:20.

She starts to walk towards me and I say "Hi! I’m the 2." :) She seemed really nice but we didn’t get a chance to talk much as they whisked her right away.

I try to read….

Two more women enter the waiting area. They say there are here for the audition as well. Their appointment was for 1:40. I strike up a conversation with one while the other is chatting on the phone. The women I’m talking to is the others "Assistant".

Now I’m starting to feel a bit out of my element.

The thin pretty women comes back out and gives us a run down. She is really super nice and says she has hosted a show before (again, REALLY feeling out of my element now). We chat a bit before her elevator comes and the other women go in for the audition.

Again, left with my thoughts. Not good. lol

They finally come out and it’s my turn! YIKES!

I’m greeted by this sweet girl who gives me the run down…

1. a close up camera shot of me talking about why I’m unique
2. a 5 minute demo of me "cooking"
3. a recorded answer and question series

Ok, I can do this.

Everything happens really fast. All of a sudden I’m answering questions! I feel like I ran through everything too fast but she seemed to think I was doing well. I thought I was doing alright. I know I could have made a little better eye contact with the camera (I’m not used to there being some behind it!) and she asked me to repeat her questions in my answers which I kept forgetting to do. Other then those two things I’m pretty happy with my… performance? Is that what I should call it?

So that was it. I asked tons of questions that she didn’t really know all the answers too. Like when we would hear, when the show starts, etc. However, I did find out they are hiring 3 hosts which is super cool!

Now it was time to go home. :(

I simply walk across the street to get my car. Fabulous, right! I pay at the little station, hop in, drive to the exit, roll down the window to enter my ticket into the thingy and then…. CRAP my window won’t close! It’s stuck half way down! WTF?!?

I’m not kidding, I laughed out loud. I’m now driving through the Lincoln tunnel with a window stuck in the down position in the middle of December. Hey… at least it’s not raining! right? (I say to myself trying to feel better about it)

I decide it’s not that bad and crank up the heat. After 25 minutes I can’t take it anymore! I’m freezing, sniffling and just miserable and I have another 2 hours of THIS! Ugh! No way! So I stop at a rest area.

I’m thinking I can tape some bags up, no? So I asked at the travel mart, but they have no tape. The girl was a miserable display of customer service if I ever saw one so when she walked away I gabbed a bunch of bags from next to the register and ran out. Someone at the rest stop had to have tape!

I went "door to door" until a nice young women said.. "sure! here ya go!" Phew… I ran outside and started to do my handy patch work. It took forever and I soon realize regular old scotch tape doesn’t adhere to the plastic inside cars to well. So I had to tape it to the window and then use my keys to jam the baggies in between the window seem and roof. It worked! I gave it a test drive around the parking lot! No more 20 degree wind blasting me in the face!

I park again so I can go return the tape and… I’m not kidding… I almost opened the door peeling away my brand new makeshift window. I caught myself and climbed over to the passenger seat. I grabbed my wallet and phone so I could snap a picture.

At this point I decide to grab something to eat for the drive home. I return the tape, grab some food and head back the car. Again, almost opening the driver-side like an idiot! Seriously! what is wrong with me!?!? I laugh at myself and climb in through he passenger seat.

FINALLY I’m on my way home.

About 20 minute later I look down and notice my phone is not by my wallet. Why wouldn’t it be by my wallet? I brought it with me when I went back in to the rest area because I snapped the photo.

Now I’m driving down the turnpike frantically looking for my phone. I pull over. It’s NO WHERE to be found! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?

I must have left it when I paid for the food. Unbelievable. I had to go back. HAD to! It’s a brand new phone with all my numbers and… oh God… I don’t even want to think about it.

So I get off at the next exit.

Now, you have to remember I’m not just on a highway. I’m on the New Jersey Turnpike and if you ever been on it you know 2 things… 1. the exits are all like 15 miles apart at least AND 2. the rest areas only service one side. That means I’m going to have to turn around, get back on the turnpike, pass the rest area where I think the phone is, get back off the turnpike and then back on just to get to that rest stop. Oh and it’s all tolled! So I’m paying for this, big time. At least I have an easy pass so I don’t have to stop at the toll booths.

At this point I’m laughing at myself, again, and I can’t even share the story with anyone because I don’t have my phone! LOL

I finally make it back to the exit that would be before (well after – you know what I mean) my rest stop. I get off, go through the toll booth and I’m just about the turn around when…

"Brrrringggg"

"Brrrringggg"

YES ladies and gentleman, that’s my phone. It’s ringing. It’s in the freakin car. It’s been in car the whole time!!! I pull over and try to find it. Even with it ringing I can’t. It’s like jammed between the seat the center column. Apparently it slid in there when I climbed over from the passenger side because I can’t open my car door as the windows stuck half way down and I have shopping bags taped to it so I don’t get frost bite!!! Seriously… I couldn’t make this up if I tried!

I pick up the phone laughing SO HARD I can’t hardly say hello. The husband has NO idea what is going on and here he’s thinking I’m almost home when I’m not even close!

I tell him the whole story while getting BACK on the turnpike in the right direction.

So even though I was sick, missed the train, broke my car window, drove 30 miles out of my way all in a car with no radio, freezing my butt off, I had fun! I did say I was doing this for the experience of it right? LOL Well it sure was an experience!

My plan is to record the same dish I did for the audition today and send it to them in a follow up thank you email. That’s all I can do, right? It’s in their hands. Then again, I guess I could send them this post too. Maybe they’ll feel sorry for me and give me a call back. LOL

As always, I’ll keep you posted!