Comments on: A Weekend Quote All Mixed up with an Ask Roni about Dating that I don’t know how to Answer.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:54:07 +0000

Jennie, do not let your size deter you from going out and having a good time! I actually met my fiance while I was the biggest I have ever been (I’m 5’8″, 238 right now). It’s not the size, but how you hold yourself. People will look at you as a person, not a pant size, if you show them how happy you are as an individual. Trust me, they’ll come to you when they see how much you love life and having a good time…and if it can happen to a weirdo like me, it can happen to anyone! The right one will love you for you, and not the way you look. Keep good faith, I went through a ton of bad apples before I found the one…now we’re getting married in May! Good luck, and keep your spirits up!

By: Jennie

Jennie — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 05:34:24 +0000

Jennie (btw love that you spell it with an IE),
I think you are on the right track with focusing on your health! Personally I wasn’t much of a dater. I just spent time with friends and was myself. As you accept and take good care of yourself you will find that confidence comes out and you will let yourself shine. You will realize that relationship or not you can enjoy living! Keep at getting fit and accepting each size you become. My husband was only going to be my secret crush ;), but we hung out in the same circle of friends and by being ourselves grew closer. You don’t need to keep up with your friends, in fact I encourage you to take up an active activity and meet some more people. You never know who you may meet *wink wink*
Jennie (the other one)

By: V

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:21:13 +0000

Hi Jennie,
I met my boyfriend right after I’d gained a bunch of weight and was VERY self-conscious, but I’m glad I didn’t shy away from him because now, I’m getting healthier and more active, and I know that he’ll love me no matter what physical state I’m in. I felt like he must love me for who I really am inside, because I felt so self-conscious about my body. Now, I’m really grateful for that. Don’t be shy about getting out there, and make NO apologies for who you are and where you are now, physically, mentally, and emotionally!!
V

By: andrea.

andrea. — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:29:13 +0000

I’m almost embarrassed to post this comment, but I actually got a lot of value out of reading the Dr. Phil book, “Love Smart”. There’s a lot in there that I disagree with, but there are a couple of genuinely useful chapters that are all about figuring out what kind of person you are, what you could bring to the table in a relationship, and what you want out of a partner.

I’ve spent most of my adult life hovering around 240lbs, and dating guys who were either: cold and distant, or needy and manipulative. I think it’s because I didn’t have much sense of what I could/would bring to a relationship, so I was just floundering around out there, if that makes sense? I wouldn’t say it’s that I was dating anyone who would have me, because I certainly turned down a number of people, but I just had no clue what I REALLY wanted, and where my own assets would really fit.

But that book put a lot of things in perspective for me — plus it made me start thinking of dating as a ‘project’, and man do I love projects. I started doing a lot of dating, mostly via online dating sites, and trying to really figure out how it all worked (plus have a little fun along the way.) Anyway, the long and short of it is that as a result I ended up in the best relationship of my life — with someone who is my equal in the important ways, my opposite in the interesting ways, and is the kind of person I never even knew I could dream about.

By: Zandria

Zandria — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 15:02:40 +0000

Discomfort with dating and discomfort with writing is a good comparison. With both, you have to “just do it,” or else you’re…well, NOT going to. And NOT writing or NOT dating just because you’re a little bit scared is NOT a good reason. :)

By: mousearoo

mousearoo — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 14:13:17 +0000

Honestly, ANYONE (big, small, short, tall) is going to have troubles dating if they don’t love themselves and put themselves first.

I had the attention of men more so when I was bigger than now, but couldn’t sustain a long-term relationship because I was too critical of myself, something men saw as unattractive.

Now, I love myself, am more confident and enjoy dating. Yes, it’s scary but the prospect of meeting and spending time with someone who can compliment your life in so many ways outweighs that.

If you wait until you’re an ideal size, you’re just going to wonder if the person really likes you or the shell that you come in. Enjoy dating NOW and find someone who is a fit with your personality, not your outward appearance.

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:42:22 +0000

I actually think it would be a mistake to date right now if you really feel so unhappy with yourself. I think sometimes, at least, women who feel this way put up with terrible treatment from men because they don’t think they deserve better. I know I’ve been there. If you’re just worried about falling behind your peers, maybe you’re not that interested in finding a man right now.

By: Andria

Andria — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 07:48:56 +0000

Okay, true story:

I went out with friends one night and found myself talking to a friend of mine’s roommate (who I had never met before). I had a BLAST! He was funny, intelligent, wry… everything I’ve ever been attracted to- except he wasn’t.

When he stood up (he had been seated when I got there) he was only about 5 feet tall. He took off the ball cap and I saw that he was almost completely bald. He was also pretty heavy.

I was stunned. Floored even. I grew up in an Italian family with a bunch of stereotypical Italian men. The smallest man in my family is 6’2″ and about 230 lbs solid. And hair? Good lord! They have to wax!

Anyway, my point is, it’s been over ten years since I met my friend’s mate that night and I still think about him. I’m happily engaged to my best friend and have no interest in anyone else, but I STILL think about that night.

The power of his personality was that incredible!

I commend you for working on your health goals, that’s important. But trust me, smile, learn to be happy, and people will be drawn to you. I promise. A pretty face and nice ass will only get you so far if there’s nothing interesting inside to back it up.

By: Alexia

Alexia — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 03:35:36 +0000

I met my husband at close to my heaviest weight — almost 325#. I never lacked for male attention at any weight — and I think that’s because I was out there doing what interested me and being a nice fun person interested in other people. So maybe just figure out what you like to do and go have fun for yourself and see what happens :-) (I’m actually having body image issues for the first time now that I have the loose skin thing going on!)

By: Kathy

Kathy — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 03:23:49 +0000

Jennifer (not Jennie)
I too suffer from the ‘but not naked’ concept of looking good….lol
I have dated men, but when things get intimate I back down becuase I am not totally full of the self love…..I lost the weight, but still can’t picture myself as a thin person….have the stretch marks and some hanging skin, and quite frankly, have never found a post glow ‘pose’ that would be flattering….lol
However, after reading the quote of the day (which was PRIOR to your post) I actually got hope….I am NOT going to wait until it is perfect…;-D
(Although, I would like my breasts to be ANYWHERE other than my armpits when I lie on my back….LMFAO!)