I’m the first to admit I have a food "problem." For as long as I can remember I’ve been an "eater". One of those people that feels compelled to eat. I can easily grab a bag of chips and mindlessly knock it off. I have no problem putting down 5-6 slices of pizza. If there’s food at a party I’m all over it. And I never understood how they figure there’s 4 servings in a Ben & Jerry’s pint. Seriously, give me a spoon and I’m good.
I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. I laugh at people who say things like "I can’t eat another bite, it’s just too rich." That’s never stopped me. It’s almost like I don’t have an fullness switch, not until I’m uncomfortable and sometimes I still eat past that point anyway. This is why the husband amazes me. I’ve never seen him overeat, not once. Don’t get me wrong, he’s far from healthy and he eats the worst crap but he has "the power" to stop. Something that I severely lack.
For the last three years I’ve accomplished more on the weight loss front then I ever imagined possible. I really thought I was just destined to be overweight my entire life. I’d have talks with myself, logically concluding that everyone has a vice, some people drink, some smoke, some do drugs. I eat. That was mine, is mine, and I have to learn to live with it.
Overall I have. Weight Watchers taught me a bit about portions and balance. I’ve learned to eat more fruits and veggies and to "bulk up" my meals so I still eat the volume of food I want, maybe need, but with much less calories and more nutrition. This has worked for me.
That’s a total understatement.
It’s WORKED WONDERS for me. I mean for God’s sake I’m a freakin’ size 6. ME! I don’t like to focus on size but geesh… I’m The girl that steadily increased her size from a 10 to a 16 from ages 12 through 29. The girl who was consistently the "chubby" one in her group of skinny High School friends. The girl who gained so much weight so fast in college she still has the stretch marks to show for it.
Yet I STILL struggle with the eating thing. STILL!
That’s why I’m so compelled to write this blog. Compelled to help and connect with anyone who is like me. I want to show them (and me) that it IS possible. I truly didn’t think it was until I did it myself.
But guess what, it’s not over. That’s the hard thing about weight loss and maintenance. Who am I kidding, that’s ONE of the billion hard things. But seriously, I did DO IT but it doesn’t end there. I didn’t reach my ideal body weight and stop. Everything didn’t just fall into place. It’s an ongoing battle. I will constantly be fighting and working with my drive to eat.
I will have days like today. Days where I eat like the old Roni. Day’s where I’m out of control because of a lack of preparation, or out of convenience, or because I’m stressed, tired, overworked, unhappy….. I can go on an on.
These days, however, happen a lot less often then they used to. I have experienced the feeling of satisfied. I know I like the way I feel when my diet is cleaner and much more controlled and I refuse to let a one day relapse get to me.
So I present to you my food journal. I’m writing this list out post fact so there’s probably more but it doesn’t matter. The point is I’m not hiding what I ate. I’m not pretending like it didn’t happen. I’m not even beating myself up over it. I’m just facing it and moving on. I’ve been feeling a bit down and out of control and today was a by-product of that. It’s not the other way around.
*deep breath* here goes…
- 2 experimental chocolate muffins (may post recipe later)
- an apple (at this points I was TRYING to prepare for the party by not going that hungry)
- 2 and 1/2 slices of pizza, some veggies and a piece of chocolate cake at a kids party
- Too many whole grain Wheat Thins (why do I buy these, I really can’t stop at a serving)
- 3 slices of pizza (with all those greasy meats I usually avoid) at a kids halloween party plus Dorritos, candy corn, veggies, and ghost poop (mini marshmallows)
- McDonald’s hot fudge sundae
- extra crispy Kentucky Fried Chicken (don’t even ask how I ended up at 2 fast food restaurants today)
- More Wheat Thins
- Mike’s Hard Lemonade (I was watching Superbad while writing this and it made me want to drink for some odd reason. ;~P)
What’s that, ummmm about 55 points?
Again, not the end of the world, just a reminder to myself that this is a life long journey and I’m ready to make the hard choices because I feel so much better when I do and it’s TOTALLY worth it.
72 Responses to Yikes! Can we say Relapse?
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About Roni
Roni started this blog in '05 to journal her weight loss. 70lbs later, she's committed to living a conscious, healthy life and hopes to inspire others along the way. Read more on the about page.
I have days like these… I know they are there and I wait for them to creep up on me. Sometimes I don’t know when they will come and sometimes, I can see it coming.
I have posted about this in my blog as well. And every time I have a bad day, I am SURE to post about it. I need to get it out there – I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. Last month, I ate an entire container of ice cream in one day. As embarrassing as it was, I blogged it. It was my therapy.
I tell myself that a bad day here and there is not terrible. It’s when a day turns into DAYS and they days turn into weeks that I have a problem. As long as I can turn myself around as soon as possible, I’m okay. And it’s gotten easier – the getting back on track part.
You hit the nail on the head – Food is MY vice too. I hate it. But I love food and I will never deny that! I just wish I was able to maintain a healthy relationship with food.
You are not alone. Kudos to you for posting this!
Check out Michelles last blog post..First Race!
And yet you’re still 100% fantastic! :)
Check out Amandas last blog post..Busy Busy Bee
Hi Roni,
I am a Drinker….I would rather drink then eat…Hey, sometimes I do!! hahaha…..I also share the same feelings so many feel about being an eater!! The recommended daily serving of wine is a half a glass??? WTF…..for me, one bottle of wine to get started!! Why can’t I just quit this? Every time I turn around, there is another occasion to drink! Especially being an expiate overseas, EVERYTHING, revolves around boooze! I have found that if I keep my WW journal & calculate the points it costs to drink, I do much better so why don’t I do that daily? I lack the drive, motivation or whatever is missing from my being to do the right thing daily!!! That is what I despise about me!!!
I admire your continued motivation, honest sharing & encouragement you give to so many!!! Hugzzzzzz “⊹⊱✿◕‿◕✿⊰⊹”
I’m in the same boat. If there is anything sweet in the house it will get eaten, until it’s gone!
Sorry that you had such a rough day. I bet that your attitude has changed since losing all of your weight. The old you would have beat yourself up pretty good.
Thanks for posting this. It’s sad that the eating urges don’t just disappear when you hit your goal weight. I was hoping that they would, but I kinda knew they wouldn’t! Great post!
Joyce needs to go and read other blogs because I don’t think Roni’s is a good fit for her. I’m sure there are other blogs on the Web that would defintiley suit her better.
I love your 100% honest posts – they make me smile, and realize – “we all do it” – I am exactly the same sort of eater as you – I don’t have a full switch – and getting that eating under control is what has helped me keep of the weight.
Sounds like you had a busy day! :) Keep up the great work Roni – you are an inspiration to so many!
Check out AlliJag (green dog wine)s last blog post..First Trip to Whole Foods! With VeggieGirl!
You are so sweet and brave for posting this. Thank you.
Roni,
Been reading your blog for a few months, and loving it! I especially love these entries- they are so human. With several weight loss blogs I have read, the person goes through the excitement of losing, and then the blog mysteriously stops, and one can assume that the maintenance thing isn’t working too well and the blogger is “hiding” from the truth. I think by facing your struggles and being honest, you will be able to conquer them, and you will help your readers as well.
I feel Joyce is a bit mean-spirited – all of us have priorities, etc, and if her priorty is not health or weight loss that’s fine – but she shouldn’t jump others who have that as a priority.
Its fascinating to read this blog because my situation is similar to yours – I am five foot nine, weighed 210, got down to 132-133, and am now in the 140s struggling with the maintenance thing. Your blog is majorly inspirational, and you look fabulous! Good luck!
All I can say is “wow.” You give me hope that I WILL reach my goal weight and maintain it … I had a great week (used no FPs at all the first 2 days) but I’ve had a bad weekend with the boyfriend. Eating-wise, it’s always hard for me to eat well when we’re together. He likes to eat crap, and pushes it on me as well.
I have to face the scale this afternoon in Village of Oak Creek. I plan to stay OP all day until the meeting, and hopefully I’ll see at least a little loss.
Check out Arlenes last blog post..Caitlin
Hi Roni–thank you for posting this–It helps so much to know that I am not alone in the maintenance struggle.
I just can’t express enough how much I admire you. You are “real” and because of you I have so much hope that I really can reach my goal some day. I’m not glad to hear that you have days like this but in a sense it gives me some relief. It’s easy for my mind to convince me that if I’m not 100% on plan until the day I reach my goal I just simply won’t ever be able to reach it. But the positive side of my mind knows it’s not true. There will be days when we get derailed and fall back to our old ways but we need to understand that success also means to acknowledge it and move forward to making that next choice a better one.
Thanks again so much for opening yourself up to all of us, for sharing your ups and your downs, all that you have given to us, and most importantly ….thanks for keeping it real!
Check out Karis last blog post..It’s catching up with me….
Roni I can totally relate to your post. I don’t want to give in to the temptations and go back to my old lifestyle (well strike that – some days I VERY much want to give in to the temptations). But having achieved the weight loss, I’m more mentally confident and happy in my new skin – and my bloodsugars are more level which affects my mood and even how I treat other people.
Yet I have days like you describe and can also relate to having a difficult time controlling myself with food. I’ve always been obsessed with food. My family and I laugh b/c my 6yo son is the SAME way. Thank God for WW where you can accomplish weightloss whilst obsessing over food, no?
Thanks for the post. I think we all have days like this. But we continue on to live better while NOT depriving ourselves.
Check out KK (Running Through Life)s last blog post..Race Recap-Nike Women’s Half Marathon
Hey Roni!
I’ve been reading your blog for a year now and connect so well with all of your posts. I am a recovering bulimic and have been suffering since 2000. Every day is a challenge, every day involves control, and every minute I focus on living a healthy lifestyle and making healthy food choices. Back in the day I believed that if I “fell off the wagon” all of my hard work was for nothing. But as you have found and as I have found….there is no “off the wagon” when you decide to make a life change. If you have a bad day you use the tools you’ve adopted to deal with it and move on. I still have days were I eat too much and I forgive myself for that. Sometimes I have to revert to old behaviors but for the most part I stick with the healthy subsitutes, i.e., writing, talking with family, exercise etc.
‘People’ are entitled to their opinion but Joyce is missing the message you consistently send to all of your readers. You don’t “fall off the wagon” anymore because you eat in moderation, you don’t deprive yourself, you are battling your demons and you are living a healthy lifestyle! This isn’t a ‘diet’ blog and as you’ve said, diets don’t work.
I feel very sorry for those who are consumed with such negative energy. That is why I choose to read your blog. Regardless of what you blog about, you are ALWAYS positive. High fives to you!
I’m sending you lots of positive energy via blog post!
~Natalie
Oh Roni! My every day used to be like this. And having just recently adopted a healthier way of eating, I still have my relapse days. We’re all human. Whether it’s leaving dirty dishes in our normally spotless kitchen, or eating a Happy Meal instead of a salad, everyone has their down days.
Kudos to you for posting the food journal during a relapse. I’m sure it helped you to write it out and see it on “paper.” Spilling my guts on my blog helped me tons. Confess away if you ever need to again, and don’t beat yourself up for one bad day. You’re an inspiration to me!
Check out Catheroos last blog post..Run Like a Girl
As you see above we are not the only ones with those bad days!
I am glad to know that you are a real person and not a robot, not that I want you to do bad, but is like you have spoken my words!
Thank You for this site, it does really keep us motivated
Roni,
I love your sites, and love to see your progress…I’m so at this point right now and I need to visit you everyday…
In 2003 I started my weightloss journey, went from a size 28 to an 8 BUT now I’m up to a 10 and almost at a size 12. I lost 140 pounds, but have gained 30 back in the past year. I’ve been trying to figure out why, find out what’s eating me. My best friend died of cancer, my marriage is not what I need it to be and at least 20 of those pounds have come on since starting a new job. I’ve allowed myself too many liberties, become less of a points nazi and quit exercising so much. I want to get back on track and quit listening to everyone…oh that bite won’t kill you…I’ve used money as a crutch…oh those 1 pt. soups are so expensive, veggies are so expensive…blah blah blah…well clothes are not cheap. I can’t stop eating, I never feel full…it’s so frustrating. One good point that I’ve realized in the past week is that I cannot eat fried food…OMG my stomach hurt so bad! Anyway, sorry for blabbing. This post is so far down I don’t know if you’ll read it or if anyone will, but I think putting it online is helping me…
Sabrina,
I read your post and I want you to know that you were one of the inspirations that I found on Roni’s site tonight. Thanks so much for sharing a small part of your battle. I am at the beginning of my journey and to read that you were able to lose 140 lbs was motivating for me. I am certain you will find your mojo again – the life changes that you mentioned would challenge the most motivated individual. Trust that your life will once again be back in balance.
And thank you!
Roni,
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post. I thought I was the only one that could eat until the cows came home (which of course, I would then slaughter for a steack to throw on the grill :) ). My biggest concern is that even if I continue to follow the WW plan, I will reach a point where the weight loss will stop and I will still be chubby. I was and am still afraid that I will never get to my goal of getting into the juniors size clothing, but this post gives me hope that it is possible.
Melissa
Thank you Mary for your post…it got me thinking too…I made a blog, mind you it’s in it’s infancy so bear with me while I experiment…LOL
http://beaniesbloging.blogspot.com/
It has some photo’s, a blurb…that’s about it so far!
Roni,
As I read your post my eyes filled with tears – I’m not alone. And not only am I not alone, but someone who has been so successful still struggles with these things. I’m sorry that you have to struggle, but it does honestly give me hope that maybe in my craziness I can make it too. I started my blog at the end of August and had great success! Then about 3 weeks ago I had one of the days like you described and I haven’t stopped since. I want so badly to say that ‘right now I start’, but I’m scared it will be a lie. It’s so ridiculous! Anyways, truly I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART for being so transparent. You can’t possibly know what this has done for my mixed up brain. Keep on and dust off the “Joyces” of the world.
We all have days like these so don’t worry about it. I think the only thing that makes you different is that you are honest enough to admit it. Keep up the great work my friend! You are keeping us inspired.
Best regards,
Mr. Meltdown
Check out Mr. Meltdowns last blog post..Low Carb Diet Modified To Meltdown Diet?