A few weeks ago I asked a pretty tough question about family and friends and what you want them to know about your body image and weigh issues. The responses were more then amazing and we had a lot of people share some pretty heartfelt stories about loved ones shaping their body image. It was an emotional post and the comments really got me thinking.
As you know I get quite a few questions and one of the more popular ones is how to deal with unsupportive loved ones. The "unsupportiveness" takes on a huge spectrum from just bringing home tempting foods to being downright mean and nasty with name calling and negative comments.
Sometime I have a hard time responding as I can’t imagine living with someone who truly doesn’t support me. But then I really started to think about it. Sometimes, people just change and have different goals and aspirations then they once did. (This is not taking inconsideration the mean and nasty folks, that I really haven’t wrapped my head around yet.)
Take me and the husband for example. I wouldn’t call him "unsupportive" but he does do things that inadvertently effect me and my goals. It’s inevitable, we live together! As much as I want to control my environment, cook healthy meals, limit fast food nights and so on I have to compromise. He doesn’t have the same goals as I do (although I wish he did) and he makes his own decisions when it comes down to what he wants to eat and how active he wants to be.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for him, I’d have no soda, chips, cookies or candy in the house. I’d rarely go to a fast food place, eating at home 90% of the time and there’d be no arguments against my crazy one pot meals and food experiments!
Now that I think of it life would be much easier without him!
*tapping finger on desk and thinking*
In all seriousness, I figured out a long time ago that I am only in control of ME. I can’t force him to change (although I try), I can’t completely control my environment and I can’t use him as an excuse.
Is it tough(er)? maybe. But this is what I sign up for when I committed to long term relationship and you know what, I’m the one that’s changed, not him! So if I look at from his point a view I’d pissed that the lazy, chubby, junk food eating girl that I married turned into an active health food nut!
Anyway, I’m getting off subject here but my point is some people may consider the husband unsupportive. That he’s hurting my efforts by bringing home a 6 pack of Cinnabons or ordering pizza on a friday night.
I look at it a little differently. I figure he’s just being who he’s always been and I can’t fault him for that. Do I wish he’d change his diet, sure! But I can’t force him. He has to be ready. Plus he’s supportive in other ways, giving up a golf game so I can go running, bringing the toddler to meet my at the finish line of my race and listening to me gripe about overeating pizza at a kids party. It’s all in the way you look at it.
I’m curious what your experience is. Do your friends and family help or hurt your efforts?
My response… I’d have to say the husband hurts and helps my efforts. He’s definitely living in the grey area. :~)