She wasn’t as blatant as your dad, but she is always making me feel bad about my weight. She makes little comments about everything I wear, to the point that I don’t even want to see her b/c I don’t want to hear what she has to complain about. I learned to turn to food as a comfort from her, but she doesn’t realize that her comments only make me want to binge. This is something I am working very hard to overcome. I have been doing fairly well, but it’s a struggle every single day

I could have written exactly the same letter! My father, as I already wrote, was like the 13-year-old jackasses at school who called me “fat swine”, and he only commented on my non-appearance achievements when they were really outstanding.

However, he always commented on someone my age on TV, playing the violin virtuously, winning a medal at the Olympics, etc. Today I would have commented, “Maybe they have a loving father who supports them…”, but then I just didn’t but devoured my fury. I was really furious and I could have literally kicked him everyday, for about 9 years. I am really sorry to say that because it is my dad, but it was really hard for me to forgive him. And especially because he had weight and self-esteem issues himself, never even tried to face and solve them and told me I was going the easy way when I went into therapy and went on diets. When I was angry or tried to discuss things with him, he basically always said I had the problem, not him. And he also pinched me in the belly or legs. I learned from him that I was worthless if I wasn’t thin, no matter what I did or was apart from overweight.

He only stopped teasing me after I had lost 40lbs because that impressed him, as he had never achieved such a thing himself.

I know he had very serious problems with his father and never had a role-model himself, but this cannot be a total excuse for me. He became 18 years old and older, and one of the tasks you have to face when you get older is to teach yourself things your parents didn’t or couldn’t do. And be kind of thankful for the positive things they did, and he did some, too, even though they are not part of my post. It was hard for me to discover them or the parts of me I inherited from him which are positive, but in the end I kind of succeeded.

And, contrary to him and the good things about my granddad whom I never met, I could also name his good qualities. That’s why I forgave him in the end and my mom for staying with him. My mom did so many good things for me apart from staying with my dad at that time, and my dad tried his best even if it wasn’t much for a long time. And he said sorry in the end, which was one of the most important things for me.

@ all fathers out there, especially if you have girls: love your children, no matter what they look like! They have your genes and partly your abilities, so try to make the best of them by protecting them like you would protect yourself. Teach them about food and health instead of bullying them, and be a role model. Practice what you preach! They are taking you very seriously, and you should not be the one to teach them that there are liars and frauds in the world by being one yourself!

If a girl really is unhealthily overweight, she won’t get any better by teasing, but worse! If you comment on a girls weight like this, you will lose her, she will never ever trust you again because you hurt a very essential point in her. Men who she wants as boyfriends are bad enough if they make those comments, but you are in a special position for your child, and if you want to take sides with the jackasses who are her age, you better think again!!!! At least twice!!!

Love,
Nina

Check out Karens last blog post..

I don’t remember much being said in my childhood about weight. Now my mum tries to help but it really doesn’t. “You look so slim in those clothes” translates to “I’m fat but I don’t look it right now” in my head. She’s in the same boat as me though. I know it’s her way of trying to help me and stop me getting to the size she is. I also know I have a choice in how I react to or interpret her comments. We can all be our own worst critics.

I need to take on most of the responsibility for my eating habits. Sure society and family probably had some effect but right now it’s all down to me.

I also need to realise how lucky I am not to have experienced some of the stories mentioned above. I admire you all for being able to share, for being able to work on recovering your lives and for just being able to get up in the morning. Be proud.

I think my parents did a pretty good job as far as body image is concerned. I was the “smart” one — they didn’t focus on weight for any of us (me or my siblings).

If I could say something to my friends/family who aren’t concerned about their health now it would be:

I have seen what being overweight does to a person as they age from working at the hospital. You have take care of yourself NOW while you still are young enough to make a difference. I really care for each of you and it’s important to me that you take control of the problems that you have and work on making your relationship with food and with exercise a good one. I know that I can’t make the decision for you but I want to be able to work as a team (and a family) toward our goals.

Mine’s going to be different. My weight issues are genetics/poor choices/emotional & recreational eating.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love you. Thank you for telling me I was beautiful all the time. I always said, “you have to say that, you’re my MOM!” but I knew deep down you were right. Thank you Mom, for never talking about your own weight even when you became overweight. Thank you, Dad, for telling anyone who would listen that my mother was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen.

Mom, I do wish you hadn’t used food as a reward, but now that I’m a mom, I understand that line of thinking. But I do remember you cutting my lunch carrots into flowers and I really appreciate that. I also wish you could have curbed your emotional eating better, but you had a pretty screwed up childhood and you are only human. You did your best and I love you for it.

Dad, thanks for going walking with me in the evening during my high school years. Just talking with you was magic–it still is.

Mom, I’m so glad you encouraged me to play baseball in 2nd grade. That lead to lifelong love of team sports and athletics and self-esteem.

Thank you for loving me just as I was and am. I love you.

Brianne

You probably never knew how much it hurt when you talked about how fat you were (and you were a size 2!). You probably don’t know how, as an insecure, uncomfortable teenager, I believed that I was fat because I was bigger than you and I was so embarrassed because my mom was so much smaller than I was.

You probably don’t realize how hurtful all the comments about my big boobs were. Pointing them out to me in front of other family members and making a big deal out of it is something I still have a hard time remembering. Do you know how much I wished I didn’t have boobs at all? How mortified I was?

You probably didn’t know about my freshman year in high school, how I stopped eating nearly entirely so that I could fit into the jeans you used to wear in high school. I wanted to be exactly the same size you were.

Even now, you talk about being fat and you’re only a size 6! Do you realize you cut the heart of your daughter, who at the time was a size 22? If you think you’re fat, what in the world did you think about me?

I love you, but I hope I’m not like you when it comes to sending body images to my children.