I’m going to let this correspondence speak for itself. It’s long, but if I felt that way and she feels that way there have to be more young women out there struggling with these same issues. How do we stop the cycle?
Your website has been such a helpful tool and your story is very inspiring to me. Unfortunately, I guess it hasn’t been inspiring enough. Let’s see…let me kind of sum up where I’m coming from here.
I’m 22 years old, 5 ft 8 inches and my highest weight is 180. This time last year I had lost 17 pounds and was well on my way to losing more. It was great! But fast forward a year and I’m back up to 178 and my motivation has completely left me. It doesn’t make any sense to me because I always thought in order to get motivation, you had to want something very badly. Well, Roni…I want this VERY badly! I’m sick of being overweight and uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m constantly depressed about it and it’s affecting my every day life. I don’t want to participate in certain activities (swimming only being ONE of them) because I’m worried about how I’ll look.
I guess my question to you is…why isn’t my unhappiness motivation enough? What can I do to motivate myself more (and for GOOD)?
I tried to respond to Barbara in this video post and I emailed her…
I FINALLY got to your question and you really touched me…
Please let me know how you are doing. I’d love to chat with you in
email if you want. You remind me SO much of ME!
I hope to here from you.
Hey, Roni! Wow…I can’t believe I actually got an email from you. I
feel like I got an email from a celebrity or something! :)
Thank you SO much for answering my question in the video. When you
were recapping about how you tried low carb diets, pills and this and
that and the other…it was crazy, because it just felt like you were
watching me or something. That’s exactly where I’m at right now. I
actually just got some diet pills the other week hoping for a quick
fix. I’m not an idiot though, I know that the only way to weight loss
that sticks is through a healthy diet and exercise. Only…it’s better
if you don’t think of it as a “diet.” But I just keep getting to this
point where I’m so unhappy that I want it to be solved instantly.
When I was in high school, I weighed 145 pounds and I thought I was a
whale. I was uncomfortable in my own skin (just like now) and I
thought everyone was always looking at my flaws. Now I’m like 180
pounds and I would give ANYTHING to be back where I was. Or I at least
wish that I could go back in time and tell myself that I looked great.
I really did and I didn’t appreciate it. I think that’s another thing
that scares me about losing the weight. If/When I get back down to
145, will I really be happy with my body? I mean, I wasn’t before…
So, on to YOUR question…you asked me how I was doing. Well, at the
moment, I’m actually doing okay. I haven’t lost any weight and I
haven’t been dieting, but on Sunday I had a big moment – I went
swimming. I was in a one piece with shorts over the bottom, but it was
a BIG step for me. I’m also going to the beach this week and I’ll be
donning my bathing suit once again. Actually, it’s sad, because I
don’t even have a bathing suit…I had to borrow my mom’s. I only had
some from high school because I’m so hesitant to buy stuff at this
weight…I don’t want it to be real, you know? If I have a closet full
of “fat” clothes, then I really am fat. If I just wear some of the
stuff that was baggy on me before and is now fitting pretty snug, then
I don’t have to worry about that. Does that make any sense? I have a
stack of about 10 pairs of pants that don’t fit me anymore, but I
can’t bring myself to get rid of them (or even move them from in front
of my dresser). I want them to be my motivation. Ugh…I don’t know
what to do anymore. I mean, I KNOW what to do, but I don’t.
I think I really need to get to the place where you were at when you
found your motivation…I need to just accept myself for what I am and
start making improvements to be healthier. When I started my blog on
weightwatchen.com, the whole reason was to be healtheir, not skinnier
(I mean, that was a bonus). My dad passed away in January of last year
because he didn’t make healthy decisions (he was only 58) and I don’t
want that to happen to me. I want to learn from him being gone.
Anywho…I really appreciate you answering my email and I’m sorry that
I’ve just blabbed on and on in this email, it’s just that I don’t
really ever talk about this because I don’t want to call attention to
my flaws. I already feel like everyone sees them all the time. I hope
you’re doing well and I look forward to hearing back from you!
Oh MY GOD! Seriously, are you my younger self?? You sound exactly
like me. I mean EXACTLY! The swimming, the not having a bathing suit,
the wishing I was the weight I was in high school, the keeping clothes
that don’t fit, all of it.
I just want shake you (or should I say the former me) and say…
“SNAP OUT OF IT” you are a beautiful, young women and you are causing
your weight issues. Yes, YOU!. Yes, you let yourself go a little. Yes,
you have a few pounds you want to get rid of. It’s ok. Life happens!
Now, take it one day at a time. One DAY! That fact that you ate a
burger and fries for lunch doesn’t give you permission to down 1/2 of
pizza for dinner. And that “start tomorrow’ concept is a cop out and
you know it! START NOW. Chose the grilled chicken over the burger. Get
a side of veggies instead of fries. It’s those little things that will
make the difference. Eating out is not an excuse to pig out. If you
want to accomplish this weight loss thing you will have to sacrifice a
little. Don’t worry it’s not forever, but you need to re-learn how to
eat, what a portion is and that’s it’s ok not to clean your plate.
“As for the exercise thing, don’t worry about it. Focus on learning
how to eat healthy and healing that dysfunctional relationship you
have with food. That is key but you need to stay active. Get moving by
taking walks, taking the stairs, dancing, hiking, SWIMMING, doing FUN
things that you like to do!
“Now that scale. Ohhh that scale. You know what, if you make these
changes, then forget it. You may not be in the right state of mind to
handle that number on the scale in the beginning and that is also OK.
It’s a love/hate with the scale but I’m telling you, it’s about how
you FEEL! If you want to use the scale as tool then so be it but don’t
let it effect you emotionally.
“Finally, time is moving on. Before you know it, you’ll be a
30-something looking back on your 20s wondering where the time went.
When you get there age, maturity and life experience may give you the
kick in the but you need to accept yourself and to boost your
motivation but why wait! It’s not ‘all or nothing’ it’s small changes
that will snowball and start building you confidence that you can do
it! AND YOU CAN!”
Babs, I hope you aren’t insulted, but this was really a message to my
younger self. It really is and you brought a lot of old feelings and
memories back to the surface. I just hope that I have helped you in a
at least a small way to realize that you are worth the healthy
decisions. That your size in no way defines who you are and that our
happiness is what really matters.
Don’t worry, I’m not insulted by any of that. I’m really glad that I
remind you of your younger self, because it means that you really can
identify with what I’m going through and what you’re telling me is the
truth. I fully intend to start trying to put this advice to good use.
I have a friend that’s been trying to do the healthy thing as well and
while it’s great that I have a partner in this, she doesn’t have the
same weaknesses that I do and so it’s a little difficult to relate.
First of all, she’s a vegetarian, so there’s a big difference. And
second, when she’s upset she exercises. I WISH I had that habit! When
I’m upset I eat and then I get upset that I ate and so I eat some
more…quite the vicious cycle I have going on there.
In your video response, you mentioned how you always felt like you
were in somebody else’s body, I can’t tell you just how much I
identify with that. Sometimes I’ll feel so great about myself because
I think I look the way that I feel and then a quick glance in the
mirror changes all of that. It’s such a strange feeling. I guess it’s
because I never thought I would gain this much weight. I know that I’m
far from obese and there are plenty of people in my life (my boyfriend
included) that think I’m absolutely beautiful, but I just don’t see
it. I’ve been writing music recently (myspace.com/misswright7) if you
want to check it out) and my latest song is about that. It’s so
strange for someone else to look at me and see beauty when all I see
is flaws. What’s wrong with me?
Well, I believe that’s it for the moment. I can’t tell you how much it
means to me that you emailed me personally AND gave me a video
response. Thank you SO much! I have no problem with you sharing this
with your readers, so share away! I only hope it will help some of
them that are going through the same thing that I’m going through.
I’ll try to keep you posted as to what’s going on with me and weight
loss journey. And thank you, thank you, thank you!
Again EVERYTHING you said I said 10 years ago! I have tears streaming
down my face. We are so much alike.
Your music is beautiful! I always wished I had a voice, I LOVE music
and my Dad and Brother are both talented on the guitar, but the gene
skipped me. :~( So I just admire musicians from afar. :~)
Just try to accept that you are beautiful, no matter your size. Your “man” is right, just as mine was (again I would never accept the
husbands compliment back then either.
There is nothing “wrong” with you. You are a very normal young women.
Life is a journey and every day you live it you will grow and learn
more about yourself. You are on the earth for such a short time, and I
wished I learned this lesson earlier, it’s not worth your energy being
unhappy with yourself!
Thank you so much for reaching out to me and I hope in some small way
I have helped you.