One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

JOURNAL

Self Analysis and Catch Up Time

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This afternoon I did something I haven’t done in 3 years. Something that the old me used to do ALL the time.

I grabbed a slice of cheese out of the fridge and ate it. Then I did it again, the second time wrapping the cheese around some deli turkey.

It may seem small and insignificant to you, but for me it’s a symbol of who I used to be, of the old habits I used have. (Just some insight… old me would eat an entire meals worth of cheese and deli meat while making a sandwich and then still proceed to eat the overstuffed sandwich I made with a side of chips.)

Don’t get me wrong I’m not beating myself up because I ate 2 slices of cheese and some sliced turkey meat. That’s not that big of a deal. I’m just trying to figure out WHY I did it. Maybe more importantly, why I used to do it. I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t bored I was just feeling “off”. That’s about the only way I can describe it. This is the “off” feeling I normally define as a “funk”.

If I really think about it, there are only a handful of things that set off these funk feelings…

  • I’m out of my routine for too long and I’m not sure how to get back to it.
  • It’s THAT time of the month (TOM) or better known as AF. :~P
  • I feel overwhelmed and discouraged about something, whether it be life, work, marriage, parenting.
  • I FEEL fat, insecure and unattractive.

If I think about all the times I have unconsciously eaten or consciously sought out food for comfort I think I can tie it back to one of those four events/feelings.

I’m not sure if I’m making any sense right now but I’m starting to feel better by just getting these thoughts out. Today my overeating (Let’s just say I didn’t really stop at the 2 slices of cheese) is the results of #1 above. I’m CRAVING structure. This summer has been nothing but constant craziness with no schedule, vacations, business trips, and visitors.

I need a routine and I’m working on it. The toddler will start preschool next week, I have no out of town plans for the next couple of weeks and I’m working on a training schedule for the Baltimore Marathon relay I registered for today.

That’s right! The Baltimore Marathon (I’m changing gears, can you tell?) I registered the relay team this morning so it’s official! I’m sooo excited! It’s only going to be about a 6 mile leg of the whole marathon but still, it’s the Baltimore Marathon! SO COOL!

Other news….

I’ve been busy in the kitchen. My in-laws were in town and we decided (or I did) that instead of going out I’d cook a big dinner. I started us off with some shrimp cocktail then it was a main course of Crab Cakes with a side of Margarita Asparagus and Sweet Potato Fries. For dessert I made Blueberry-Mango “Crisp”. Everything was a hit! and I had so much fun cooking for everyone. I was really happy with the meal and the fact I saved a bazillion calories by eating in.

Yesterday I also posted the GreenLiteBites video. This week the toddler and I invite you too see us make our favorite breakfast, Omelets.

On the business front, I finished up a simple blog design for Kristen from Shoutin’ from the Rooftop. I still have some work to do on her site but overall the design is finished and she is really happy with the her new look (and so am I!)

Other cool news… I’ve been invited to serve as a panelist for the BlogHer Reach Out Tour in Washington DC. I’m super psyched as I’ve wanted to get more involved with the BlogHer folks and I look forward to meeting other blog fanatics like myself. :~)

Coming soon…. I’m reviewing 3 books for the site, I have one more video session to post and I hope to have a training and workout schedule in place to help prepare for the Marathon. So stay tuned for all that!

Phew, I think that’s enough for tonight. I’m getting tired. Tomorrow I plan on journaling, hitting the gym and fighting this funk off!




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Discussion

There are 9 comments so far.

    azelma

    August 21, 2008

    I TOTALLY do (as well as have been doing the past three weeks due to a break in school sessions) the eating when desiring structure. Just the same way! It’s bad, too, I always feel guilty and such – there’s no need to, it’s just part of life and we are on the right track by realizing it i happening! It means we can change our ways.

    Annette

    August 21, 2008

    It’s odd how simply being out of your routine, can trigger some bad habits again. I am the same way. Hope you can defunkify soon ;) Off to check out you and the toddler’s omelets….one of my hubby’s favorite things to cook for us when he cooks ;)

    Miz

    August 22, 2008

    OOOOOOHHHH GO YOU.
    the relay? the panel? the fact that I was already toying with going to DC and now I may *have to*

    all that!

    Miz.

    Alisha

    August 22, 2008

    Ok, posts like this I have been missing. Thank you Roni for your time and dedication to being healthier! It is great to have such a wonderful example of keeping the weight off. Keeps me going!

    Kate

    August 22, 2008

    You know, i get so off when I’m out of routine, so I can completely understand.

    As far as eating the slices of cheese, it made me chuckle, because that was totally me. I used to eat (and share with the dog!) a complete pack of swiss cheese slices for dinner. Love swiss cheese. But I’ve learned, a slice at a time!

    debby

    August 22, 2008

    Hi Roni, Great post. I thought I was the only one who got in a funk if my schedule gets out of wack. I don’t think that makes me eat more, but if I am stressed (and I often am) I really go looking for food.

    I love watching your video question answering sessions, Roni!

    Misty

    August 22, 2008

    I have been getting back into my regular routine again also. I am VERY excited for you about the marathon! Because of you and your running success, I have started adding bursts of running to my walks. Never in a million years did I think that I could RUN! I have recently learned how to keep the side stitches away with controlled breathing. Who knew breathing was such a BIG part in how well you run!?! It has made all the difference. I moved up to 3 miles this week(not all running but I’m getting there). I am glad that you have helped out with “Shoutin from the Rooftop”; it is another blog that I love along with yours. Thanks for all the inspiration!

    Holly

    August 22, 2008

    …let’s see if I can get my work to sponsor me going to that BlogHer event. Sure I work with a particularly picky branch of the government (web 2.0, heck no!), but maybe in 5 years we’ll be allowed to blog!

    arielle

    August 22, 2008

    I do that too. It’s like if you’re out of routine for a few days, what’s a few more hours? Or another day? And then it turns into a few more days and then you have trouble!