One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

ASK RONI Q&A

Ask Roni – No Answers Just Self Analysis

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I have lost 30lbs total and feel good, look so much better but have 30 more to go. I am having a hard time staying in the game. It’s like I look better, feel better, so…I can just eat the left over Kraft dinner tonight…I feel I have lost my something…confidence is up…commitment has gone down.  What can I do?
Thanks,
Tanya

Hi, I just would like to say that I just happened to stumble on to your website and it was like finding an old friend. I share the same story like a lot of other women, just a few minor changes here and there. I am doing Weight Watchers at home ( I have the books and such)Finally here’s the question; how do you handle it when you have a bad day or crave things and give into the cravings? I am very bad about beating myself up and thinking that that’s it for me and I have to give up. I know so dramatic. But it is such a struggle!! Thanks for any advice. Keep up the good work. I check in all the time to see what you have to say. Wish me luck, I need it. Thanks!
– JoAnne

Hey Roni, love your blog. I’ve lost about 65 pounds in the past year, and have about 45 more to lose before I hit my WW goal. I have been struggling with the same 5 pounds for a couple of months now. I find that I am getting the munchies…A LOT!! How did/do you keep this under control? I am tempted to say "screw it" and eat everything I can stuff in my gob way too often. My dangerous time is at night. Just wondering if you have any little tricks you use to distract yourself from the munchies. Thanks!!
– Joyce

WOW.  I don’t even know what to say. I could have written all these questions myself. I’m sitting here uncomfortable because I ate too much, again, today. I feel swollen, bloated, huge, yucky, fat and overall disappointed in myself. I literally feel like I put back on the 70lbs I lost. I know that sounds ridiculous. I can “hear” it coming out of my own mouth. But the body I feel now, is the same I felt then (70lbs ago). It’s almost a feeling of body disconnection. I don’t know how else to describe it. 

See, as I write this I’m sitting in a tank top and size 6 jeans. Some of you may be rolling your eyes now. You might be thinking, “How can she be unhappy is a size 6?” OR “Ohhh she’s just making it up I’d kill to be in a size 6.” But it’s true and no matter what your size is if you feel uncomfortable food is comforting. For me it is/was at every size from 4-14.

I’m starting to realize something…

It doesn’t matter where you right now. If you are just starting, already lost half your weight or are trying to maintain a significant weight loss, it’s all about mindset. If you “feel fat” you subconsciously do what you need to do to get fat. That’s what I did all weekend. I just overall felt crappy. I just didn’t feel good in my own skin and consequently,I ate and ate and ate. Like I’m trying fulfill out some self-fulfilling prophecy about being fat.

However, the opposite is also true. When I’m feeling good, temptation is easy to resist. Having one slice of pizza is a breeze and even saying no to the birthday cake that’s being passed around is possible. That’s how I felt for almost 2 years while I was losing the weight. I’m not going to lie and say I was perfect for two years but overall it was like someone flipped the switch in my head and made me feel good about me, about my body and therefore I ate “good”. It almost seemed too easy.

Now, I’m not going to pretend to know all the answers because I clearly don’t or I wouldn’t have had the weekend I did. But I do observe my own behavior. And for the majority of my life I was unhappy in my skin and my eating habits showed that. The funny thing is my overweight cycle really started when I wasn’t fat but I “felt” fat. And that’s a big difference. Somehow we have to love ourselves, feel good about ourselves because then the right choices are easy to make.

I’m not sure I’m making any sense but as I finish this post I have tears streaming down my face, so either I am WAY hormonal or just a big sap. Either way I refuse to be the person I once was, uncomfortable and ashamed. This is me and I deserve to be healthy and happy.
 
For all the original questions askers, I’m sorry I don’t have all the answers. I hope my little self-analysis helps you realize you are worth it too.




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Discussion

There are 29 comments so far.

    Red

    April 7, 2008

    God, I relate to that first question.

    Once I lose a ton of weight my commitment goes out the window. I lost weight to feel fantastic, now I do, so forget the guilt and commitment, I’m having pie!

    This, of course, results in the scale rollercoaster we’re all familiar with.

    coral

    April 7, 2008

    “Somehow we have to love ourselves, feel good about ourselves because then the right choices are easy to make.”

    wow. Truer words have never been spoken, Roni. Seriously. I had a weight gain this week and it made me depressed all day. Instead of doing the right thing and moving on, what did I do? I went and got fast food, totally binged. It really is a viscous cycle. I feel bad about myself gaining weight, and then go back to eating the way that made me fat to begin with. It’s always good to remember that the better you treat yourself and your body, the better you will feel.

    now you’ve got ME crying. lol

    Tiffany Windsor, ON Canada

    April 7, 2008

    WOW!!!! Unbelievable again, Roni. This is why I am here everyday. Thank you again!

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    I read an article recently that discussed the findings of recent study which found….
    feeling fat or overweight is actually worse for your health than being fat or overweight. Interesting huh? I will try to find the link to the article so I can post it for those would like to read it.

    Love your blog!! You are very inspiring!

    Julie

    April 7, 2008

    I completely agree with Tiffany!! I appreciate your honesty and that is why I read your blog every day. Thanks for not being able to write what all of us are thinking, no matter how “ridiculous” it seems.

    Estellia

    April 7, 2008

    Thanks Roni,
    I have been having a hard time this week also. That feeling of fullness and yuckyness, I try to use that as motivation to get back on track. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Feeling better is what I try to use to keep me motivated. I feel so good after I work out..I think that is why I continue….but it is hard. I try to just continue to work out…and if the food isn’t good…at least I am still active.

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    Morning Roni!
    Your spot on Roni!! Its the very same as wearing tight clothes….you would think that squeezing into your once loose or fitting clothing would keep you on the straight and narrow but for me makes me keep eating more and more. It is soooo much about feeling good about yourself! Thanks again for all your wisdom!!

    Michelle in Ontario

    Bonnie

    April 7, 2008

    Almost everything is in our heads…it’s just like they say that ‘our brain is our biggest sexual organ’….or like “The Power of Positive Thinking”. We’ve got to keep positive self images in our minds always, in order to lose weight or maintain….and that’s a hard thing to do. It’s also like the Bible says, that “faith comes…from hearing (and hearing and hearing and hearing) the word of God. This is why coming to Roni’s website daily is SO good for us….because we continue to keep healthy eating habits in front of our eyes, and in our brains.

    Thank you, Roni, for EVERYTHING you do for ALL of us!!!

    Tricia

    April 7, 2008

    This is a daily struggle. Those of us who have suffered with weight problems for our whole lives know this. There will be days where we feel great and eat great and lose. Then there will be days where we feel horrible and stuff our faces. We have to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and start anew. Unfortunately I don’t think this struggle ever ends for us, it’s just easier some days.

    Rachel

    April 7, 2008

    Hi Roni, I have to echo the words of the other commenters – truer words were never spoken!! It’s so hard to keep motivation going forever. It seems like for me, every weekend I lose it. I’m like, “I’ve been good all week, can’t I indulge?” And then I do – not for every meal, but maybe a day’s worth over the span of a weekend. And it gives me motivation for getting back on track come monday.
    Maybe it’s not the most efficient way to lose weight, but I am doing okay and this is a lifestyle, right? I think gently allowing yourself a break from all the healthy eating can be good for the psyche – it’s like, instead of giving up after that happens, it can make you even more determined to be good next time! Because, as you say, you deserve it!!! Even if you were fat (which you’re not, obv.) you’d still deserve good, healthy food and exercise. You go girl!
    all the best to you.

    Scrumpy's Baker

    April 7, 2008

    You totally summed my feelings up for about the past year with the “if you feel fat, you will do the things that make you fat.” What a realization! Thankfully I’ve been really ramping up my workouts, which does NOT make me feel fat and I’m back on the road down to goal. Thanks Roni.

    Sarah

    April 7, 2008

    Thank you! I have been right at “that” place lately. It truly is how you feel about yourself that dictates this behavior. I have been feeling like it’s impossible and have been acting that way too. Thanks so much for this post!

    Sandy

    April 7, 2008

    Roni–

    Amen! To EVERYTHING you just said. When I first started Weight Watchers and the whole time I was losing weight I was in “the zone.” Passing by snacks and sweets was no problem. Now that I’ve lost almost all the weight snacking and sweets have become a real problem! Especially on the weekends. I think it’s because, even though I’ve lost the weight, I still have the same body–only smaller–which doesn’t make me feel good! I need to get out and do some exercise, which I am working on, and, when I do exercise I feel good about myself, the snack/sweet attacks recede, and everything is rosy again. If I don’t exercise, I feel like a fat blob and I feel like eating everything in sight!

    RunningNan

    April 7, 2008

    This is so true. I feel the same way about “feeling fat”. Great post!

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    When I’m feeling good, temptation is easy to resist. Having one slice of pizza is a breeze and even saying no to the birthday cake that’s being passed around is possible.

    I totally agree with this. I love being in that ‘zone’ and I don’t really understand what kicks me out of that into my old eating cycle. I hope that the blog will help me to start seeing some patterns. Partly I think it goes back to my triggers, for example, eating means fun and I do it to celebrate. In a way I’m just like any addict but I am trying to break free from unconcious eating or, like Roni said, disconnecting from my body as I overeat. It’s one very frustrating puzzle!

    goodnightstars

    April 7, 2008

    I know exactly how you feel! I love your blog! I totally empathize. I’ve lost a 100 lbs, wear a size 4 and sometimes all I still see is fat. And when I feel fat all I want to do is eat its completely psychological. I know Paul Mckenna’s show is outrageously silly but Ive started to realize all the things he says are methods I used on myself on my way to losing all my weight. I always allowed myself some indulgence but when time came around to eating something id have one bite and the food just wouldn’t taste worth continuing, or id see something i used to love and say we’ll if i want it i can have it but itll still be there tomorrow. The more I “Allow” myself to have something i love the less I want it. On the other hand the more I “Restrict” myself the less power I have over it. It’s such a silly game we play with ourselves. We need to learn to let go, understand the food will be there tomorrow and the day after so we don’t need to eat everything in one day. We have accomplished so much, why let something like food or our distorted image of self continue to bring us down! Remember, we are competent people we can do and have whatever we want, sometimes we just choose not to indulge because it’s just not worth it. I think we just need to listen to our body and eat when we’re hungry, so many times i’ve held out to snack only to be famished by dinner and inhale everything. I think we have proven how determined we are in our goals and life, so it’s about time we learn to trust ourselves and love our bodies, self acceptance, I believe, is the only way to maintain the healthy lifestyle forever. :) So keep up the great work! ~Lina

    casmommy

    April 7, 2008

    I’m sure this post will have tons of comments b/c so many of us can relate to it! I felt like you were in my head, b/c here I sit in my size 6 jeans feeling fat, even though I know I’m not. After I had my daughter I looked back at my old pictures and thought, “If I can just wear my old clothes again, I’ll be completely happy.” And now I am, and still feel fat. I remember the first time I lost weight and feeling like I could conquer the world. It was *so* easy to pass on the unhealthy stuff, but now I often feel like food controls me and that I don’t have that power I once did. *sigh* Maybe living in a country with such abundance results in us having such mental and physical issues with food. Thanks for the great insight Roni!

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    Roni – thank you so much for summing up exactly how I feel! I’ve “felt fat” for the past 2 weeks and thought I must have gained 15 lbs! Imagine my surprise when I had only gained two. When I feel fat I do seem to have more trouble passing up snacks/sweets/you name it but I also feel more determined to fit in an extra workout or two to try and get rid of that feeling. Thanks for understanding us and expressing it so perfectly!

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    Hi Roni,
    I so agree with your posting. It is like a flip switching or something. At the beginning of last year, I lost thirty pounds. I shouldn’t blame it on stress, but I started giving in to temptations. I had lots of stress last semester with college. I have been really watching how I have been eating for the last two weeks. I have strived to be healthier, and we even bought a treadmill! I love it. I have started feeling better about myself. I got a new hair do. I am starting to really feel good about myself. Thanks so much for your advice and recipes. I come to your site daily. It is so motivational. Keep up the AWESOME work!

    Rebecca

    April 7, 2008

    Again Roni I thank you for your honesty. I don’t know if it helps me or not. It was my child’s birthday this weekend so It was me that had the munchies at the party and had a few too many nibbles. I pretty much mirror your feelings. I am also on my 2nd year of maintenance and find it soooo much harder than loosing. I have to constantly tell myself that I can not let my guard down. I am so afraid of gaining back wt and being a statistic that I over think it constantly. I fold my size 6 and 4 jeans and some days I think “boy those look small” and then other days I think they look huge. Why does our mind have to be such a powerful thing? Thanks for letting me vent.

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    I can relate to it all! I am not on WW but am on another plan and have successfully lost 23 lbs…losing at least 2 a week, and not cheating and although i can fit into jeans i have not worn in 3 yrs…i do not want to get that i look better, feel better attitude, cause i am still not quite where i want to be. you are not being sappy..you are being real, just like every other person that has had to continuosly watch what they eat. we all do it, we sway for a day or a weekend and then come monday we feel horrible.

    Krista

    April 7, 2008

    Roni: I have come to realize that when I’m feeling fat and that feeling happens on a weekend, I’m doomed. Not even Paul McKenna of I Can Make You Thin would be able to pry the bag of BBQ Baked Lays from my death grip. When I’m in the eat it all mode, man it’s eat it all. I, too, would love to know why sometimes I can unequivocally say NO to over indulgences and other times I don’t even hesitate to grab anything that doesn’t move and put it in my mouth. We are all here for you Roni as “we’ve been there, done that.” It only takes one NO I’M NOT GOING TO EAT THAT to get you back on track.

    Anonymous

    April 7, 2008

    Roni,,,You are right on the target..on this….how a person feels about themself is an unreal power,,mind over matter..As an example..I will be on vacation,,and seeing friends I have not seen for a year..its such a rush to go on vacation,,but on all your clothes,,and fit in them comfortably without unzipping after dinner..its that feeling I wish I could bottle,,because it gives me such power and will to eat right..Of course we wish we would always feel that wy..but we can’t and will not,,so the best thing to do is minimize the “out of control” times..sometimes by just literally “talking” to ourselves..Love and appreciate all you do Roni..Suzan

    Christie

    April 7, 2008

    As the others have mentioned, I totally agree with you.

    I really think that this is the difference between those who lose and those who don’t and those who keep it off and those who don’t. It really is “between your ears” (as my husband would say).

    Michele

    April 7, 2008

    I hear ya, Roni!! When I was in losing mode, I had the most willpower I have ever had. Nothing tempted me. Now that I am on maintenance, I’m finding that I will eat “just a little” of this or that and I don’t like the way I’m feeling because I don’t feel like I am completely in control. I mean, I think I am but I feel that at any time I could just lose it and totally binge. I’ve been wanting to eat things I haven’t even thought about for so long.

    Thanks for your honesty. This is a lifelong struggle we will all have to go through. It’s great to know I’m not alone.

    Laura N

    April 8, 2008

    Roni, your self analysis post spoke volumes to me. I’m in a similar place–feeling fat but at my lowest weight since I was 25. Feeling like a failure because I still “need” to lose 15 pounds even though I’ve lost 55 already. Feeling like I am out of control with food at night, that food is in control of me.

    I really appreciate you identifying that our feelings are often self fulfilling. I hadn’t put that together in my head, and you’ve given me a lot to think about.

    Glad to read you are feeling better today.

    Mindy

    April 8, 2008

    After reading this post and all the comments I started looking around and found two really great blogs about emotional eating talking mostly about being patient with ourselves. Here they are in case anyone is interested:

    http://www.lindamoran.net/blog/

    http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/healthy/

    Thanks for being so honest and candid, Roni!

    figsandolives

    April 9, 2008

    I wanted to comment on this “it’s all about mindset. If you “feel fat” you subconsciously do what you need to do to get fat. That’s what I did all weekend. I just overall felt crappy. I just didn’t feel good in my own skin and consequently,I ate and ate and ate. Like I’m trying fulfill out some self-fulfilling prophecy about being fat. However, the opposite is also true. When I’m feeling good, temptation is easy to resist.”

    I just wanted to say that you HIT IT ON THE NAIL – at least for me, it’s as if you’re describing me.
    When I’m not feeling “hot” I try my best to find something new to do, like a craft, or read a book, or go do something I haven’t done in a long long time. That usually puts me in a good mood and cancels out the negativity which will inevitably come back.

    watchinmyweight

    April 9, 2008

    How true…how true…I know I am a little late commenting but your post is so true!!

    I sabotage my whole way of eating healthy when I feel fat…and I think about it and make a so called “rational” decision to eat all the BAD foods and stuff myself!! :(

    I am glad you are feeling better…:)