Comments on: Ask Roni – Family Support

By: Super Fast Sensational Sunday | Roni’s Weigh

Super Fast Sensational Sunday | Roni’s Weigh — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:25:30 +0000

[...] Answered my first ‘Ask Roni’ question. [...]

By: Ms Bart

Ms Bart — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 14:11:00 +0000

Great answer and a great question!

I've been following The Biggest Loser: Couples Edition. One thing Jillian said at the beginning has stuck with me. I don't remember it exactly, but she needed to build an alliance with her team members and having a loved one made it harder for her. When I thought about it, I got it. Loved ones are wonderful because they love us unconditionally.

I think husbands especially worry about helping wives head to the gym. He wouldn't want to infer that she was less than desireably. It's a fine line to walk in suggesting a walk after dinner together and heading to the gym to trim down.

Is getting a trainer a possibility? How about a girlfriend to help drive you? It's awesome that you can eat healthy together, though.

Ms.B

P.S. I hate how easily men can lose weight.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:25:00 +0000

I must say, that’s the thing I’m most grateful for… my husband and I are doing this together.

We got together in our relationship both being heavy, and we’ve just gotten heavier together, so we decided to lose weight *together*. It really does help…

On the other hand, he’s relying on ME to be HIS support and motivation and nagger, rather than the other way around. As much as I love him, my husband is a slug… if I left him on his own to do it, he wouldn’t. Fortunately, he knows this, so he doesn’t consider it ‘nagging’ when I suggest we go for a walk, or go play tennis.

By: sabrina

sabrina — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:49:00 +0000

you know carol, I have the same typr of problem at home. 3yrs ago I was some where around 135 at the most when I met my now husband, after to 2yrs of dating I weighed in at 184 thats alot of weight to gain in two yrs and so I started WW, when I came home and told my husband how much I weighed, he looked at me and said “you can’t weight that much, you look great”. Now keep in mind that I’m 4’9″ and 184lbs I did not look great, but to him I did and so it was hard for him to understand at the beginning why I wanted to do this.
But it’s be a year and half and when I say lets take the dog of walk he gets on board. It may take a while but I think that if you keep with it, and make the effort to workout him, he will do the same in return

By: CindyPTN

CindyPTN — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 05:34:00 +0000

I really like how you personalized and explained the motivation factor. Sometimes I think our spouses don’t want to be the enforcer of our own motivation.

Basically, he’s there for us, but we may think “nagging” if he were to be a real coach or personal trainer.

By: kyree90

kyree90 — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:38:00 +0000

Oh my gosh! My boyfriend, though he’s a tennis pro and is always coaching other people, loves to watch me eat. And since I love to eat, I regained 70 of the 110 pounds I’d lost before I met him. I think he actually likes me fatter (the boobs are bigger). But I joined WW last August and have lost about 30 of those regained pounds … if I didn’t have him encouraging me to eat things I shouldn’t my progress would probably be better.

By: A Box of Chocolates

A Box of Chocolates — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:50:00 +0000

Very well said Roni! My husband is not a great coach at all, but I do find that my friends are a great support system as well as all the great people on blogs…with you at top of course!!!

By: coral

coral — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:17:00 +0000

Thanks for answering! We had a little argument about this last week, when i wrote to you, but have since talked it out. I told him I need help sometimes, and he still said that he can't lose the weight for me. As harsh as it sounds, it has really been in the back of my mind when I feel like sitting around instead of working out, or making the right food choices. It does have to be my own willpower, how am I going to maintain it otherwise?

I was 165 when I met him 5 years ago, and he stuck with me as i gained weight through the years, not saying a thing. I was 225 when we got married, and even then, he always told me he loved me and that I was beautiful. I think that's why I felt "safe" being heavy. Im losing weight now to be healthy and to actually love myself. Turning 30 was a wake up call for me! Time to get that cholesterol level down, blood pressure in check, and if we decide to start a family, I want to get pregnant when I'm as healthy as i can be (and be able to stay fit as I get bigger!).

Do I wish he was like my own personal trainer? Of course. But I need to learn to be stronger on my own, otherwise it's never going to stick.

Thanks Roni (and all you other folks here on the site!)

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:16:00 +0000

my sister lost like 92 lbs and looks great and her long time BF is not supportive in a different way…he doesn’t like her skinny! it’s just as if u marry someone who is skinny and they gain weight the significant other may not feel the same sense of attraction. This whole weight thing is complicated isn’t it!?

By: Red

Red — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 17:11:00 +0000

From the male side of this equation, I certainly wouldn't "encourage" my girlfriend to go to the gym when she has voiced she doesn't want to, for two reasons:

1) Trying to get a girlfriend to work out w/me can sound overly critical very easily, and it's a line I don't even want to get near, much less cross.

2) It's not something *I* would expect out of a relationship. Friends are for overly-honest encouragement, significant others are for unconditional support.