One Mom’s Journey from Fat to Skinny to Confident

INSIGHTS

Food is NOT the Enemy

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I need to turn off anonymous commenting purely for the fact I can’t credit those that make great points on my posts. There were two comments on my BLOW OUT journal that really got me thinking.  The idea I took away from both were so simply inspired…

FOOD IS NOT THE ENEMY!

I know this. I really do. I mean I LOVE food, good food. Healthy food I can be creative with. Food I feel good about feeding my family. That’s the real reason I started GreenLiteBites, I wanted to share my love of food with everyone and use it to learn more about and experiment with the healthy nutritious stuff.  (side note: I posted 2 new recipes, Winter Squash Soup with Roasted Seeds and Sweet & Spicy Black Bean Dip)

So how come I still sometimes feel controlled by the very thing I’m so passionate about? Sometimes the need to eat things for no other reason then to eat them. No other reason then to taste in excess. To point of uncomfortable fullness?

Maybe it’s an emotional thing, a chemical thing or just because it tastes good. Who knows. All I do know is I want a healthy relationship with food.  I’m there, getting there, maybe, but just as with everything, I’m a work in progress. 

So last week I returned to my Weight Watcher roots and followed the Flex Plan.  I had a Weight Watcher Leader once tell me Weight Watchers doesn’t expect it’s Flex members to count points forever.  I understand why. Similar to a parent who sends their child off to college, there is a time where you just have trust that you did all you can to prepare them to face the world.  Hopefully, when they leave they are making the best decisions they can with the knowledge you passed on. 

I think I’m ready. Much like that teenager preparing to embark on a college career I feel frustrated I still have to follow the rules of my parents and I rebel. I think this is one of the reasons I have “blow outs”.  I want the freedom to trust my instincts but I’m restricting myself to follow the rules. It’s becoming an odd love hate relationship with points and consequently, food.  

So, to you Flex, I say good bye. Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll be back for visits when I’m feeling alone and vulnerable. It’s comforting to know you will always be there for me if I need you but you must understand, our relationship is starting to become toxic. I can see that and I hope you do too.  It’s been a fabulous 2 and half years and you know as well as I do, I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for you. I owe you a lot and I will be forever thankful we had the pleasure of meeting.

So armed with the Core food list, motivation to reach my goals, my passion in the kitchen and the knowledge I have gained over the past 2 years, I start a new week. I’m as excited and nervous as I was the night before I moved into the dorms.




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I’d love to hear your story or thoughts on mine.

However, to prevent the massive amounts of spam I was receiving I have turned off comments on any post older than 5 days old. If you'd like to leave me a note regarding this post or anything really try me on twitter (@RoniNoone,) my Facebook page, or even IG (@RoniNoone) I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. I never thought I'd have to do this but it's gotten way out of hand and comment management has become simply too time consuming to manage.

Discussion

There are 27 comments so far.

    gottahavefaith

    February 3, 2008

    Roni, this is such a wonderful post. I really think that a passion for good healthy food is an asset and not a weakness. Best of luck as you go off of Flex! You are an inspiration and I know you can do it.

    Anonymous

    February 3, 2008

    Here I am an “anonymous” post. I applaud you! I have intently followed your blog having lost over 100 lbs with WW and have been on maintenance since January 2006! I just hit my two year mark! The first year was the honeymoon phase I stayed well below goal and felt great. Even was told I was “too skinny”. I am 5’7″ and weighed around 127 lbs. Fast forward two years and my struggles at times over this past year have matched yours. While I am still well below my goa ( 140 lbs) I am struggling with five pounds that I would love to lose to give me some wiggle room. This past year has shown a slow and steady gain of 5 lbss that I can’t seem to shake. I kept checking your blog for the magical solution to my problem and tonight I found it. You see, I lost all of my weight on core and maintained on core and then decided to switch to flex and I think I need to say goodbye to those blasted points. I too will join you tomorrow and am excited to finally stop being controlled by a number. My DH has been telling me that I need to let go of the security blanket and trust that I have changed and that I won’t gain all of the weight back. I think you summed it perfectly. So thank-you!

    Michelle

    Suzan

    February 3, 2008

    Roni,,I said a few days ago,,sometimes one must focus on hubby, kids, job,,and not make food such a huge thing..I used to freak over food & my weight,,finally in September,,I wanted to eat healthy foods..let’s face it,we all know what we should eat and how much,,I put the focus on healthy eating,,and quit over eating,,( I hate feeling STUFFED,,and learned to NOt stuff anymore, I quit before I am full,,and take less) You will hopefully be pleasantly surprised,,after years of worry about food intake,,once I decided to eat for health reasons,,not weight loss reasons,,the pounds fell off..and honestly I don’t even think of the NEXT meal,food just isn’t my reason for living..I now eat to live,,not live to eat..I have always been active and worked out,,but no matter how much you work out,if you over eat or eat the wrong foods,,you will defeat the purpose of your workouts!

    I was on a cruise and sitting in a show; I was so stuffed and feeling fat I had to unzip my pants to comfortably sit through the show..I said that night I am never going to be this uncomfortable again,the day I got home I changed my diet..I never weigh myself(have NO idea what I weight,wear a size 10 comfy now,,never been more than stuffed-in a 12),,I know exactly how I am doing by the way my pants fit,,I NEVER will wear or buy stretchy pants AGAIN..I feel that got me in trouble,,they just stretch too darn much,,and its very misleading..bottom line,,from reading your blog and following along with you,,YOUR ready..get a childrens’ size plate,and use it instead of a regular dinner plate,,quit before your full,have a treat when you want one (by the way,,my treat is 1 Smigen a night,,and its all your fault,,but I only have 1) You look like a new person,,and although your the same person as you were many pounds ago,,there is NO feeling like putting on clothes and looking HOT,,and being comfortable,,and knowing your putting heathy foods in your tummy,Good Luck with your new venture,,I think your READY for the adventure..Suzan~~

    Kathy

    February 4, 2008

    I will not deny myself the comfort of food and there is no reason I should. I’m just choosing my comforting “friends” a little more wisely these days.

    My ultimate goal is to learn how to use that Core list so wisely that I will be free of the need to write everything down and count and rely on any external group or plan. I want to follow Michael Pollan’s guidelines: Eat real food…Eat plants most of the time…Eat less of everything.

    Jenn

    February 4, 2008

    Hi Roni.
    I completely understand what you mean about having a toxic relationship with food. It is an addiction that we can’t escape. What I mean by that is, when someone goes off of drugs, they choose to never do drugs again. When you battle an eating disorder, you can’t just walk away from food. It is constantly there, taunting and tempting us. There are days where I struggle to eat all of my points, and then there are days when I feel like I have to keep eating, almost like I can’t stop.
    Good luck with the Core plan. You already eat so many healthy things, I think you will be able to find great success on Core. You will learn to listen to your body, learn when it is satisfied and full.
    And you know that you have all of us supporting you every step of the way!

    Lorraine

    February 4, 2008

    Roni I did the no counting since I got to my ww goal of 155 4 mths ago and got 141 and now I’m hovering there and a few above for 2 mths. At first I gained and I counted mentally and kept my points low to lose. I weigh every day nealy and I kinda know what the scales will say before I get on.
    I enjoy on ww the board pointless maintance.
    I’m not the kinda person who can write down everything but I will force myself if I want to lose and my other way isant working.
    Have you read about the Wendie plan ? I eat like that..some days high and when I gain eat realy low for a few days.
    Its about knowing yourself and not eating mindless.
    I dont think I’ve licked my weight problem ever..I’ve been a lifetimer twice and this time I realy realy dont want to have to do it again. Last time I was 22 years old and I lost 13 1bs to get to 137. I now realise that was a too low weight for me to maintain and I wasent prepared to do the work to stay there. The second time I was 193 1bs and want to keep off 50 to 53 1bs off. I’m middle aged (43) and it does get harder as you get older.
    For me keeping it off is a battle I want to win.

    Courtney

    February 4, 2008

    Roni:

    I really feel like you are not going to have an issue with this at all. I know that awhile back, you tried to give up counting points and posting your daily menu and people wanted it back, so you brought it back. I think you are making the right choice. You have learned how to eat and what works and what doesn’t. THAT’S the whole point of any diet plan.

    Congrats on the decision and may EVERYONE support you!

    Courtney (formeforlife)

    Sara

    February 4, 2008

    Roni, I’m embarking on a similar path! I feel that in order to not be so crazy around food that I need to start trusting myself and start trusting my stomach to tell me when and what I should eat and most importantly when I should stop eating!! I don’t want to be counting points my entire life. What I do want is to just cook, eat and enjoy healthy food!

    Anonymous

    February 4, 2008

    Roni, Great post! I don’t want the credit that you so deserve yourself. You did this… You brought out so many of us, and have inspired us, too want a better, healthier life.
    Your site is like having a good friend you read and one of those sites that say, if you want more info pay this amount weekly. Or they have those awful and depressing scare tactics that say; if you eat this, you need too walk 10 miles too burn that taco off. Ha
    You have taught (inspire) so many of us how too kick start our lives.
    Eating and exercise is like taking baby steps… Once we master those steps, we forever have the knowledge and tools of what we have learned too keep us going into our “new” journey.
    Having something bad too eat is not a bad thing… It is only when we allow what we learn too slip away and go down that ugly path again. We really shouldn’t beat ourselves up when we go off track… Just remember it’s a short ride on that roller coaster but we must come off and go back too the ride we really love and enjoy… Living Healthy.
    Kudos too you! Ano 2 :)

    RunningNan

    February 4, 2008

    well said. I think you are ready for it. It’s not like you can’t go back if you find you have a problem with it. I know that when I count points, I become obsessed with the amount I have left. So I use what I learned with other things and it works well together. I’m excited to get back to my running tonight!

    Janice

    February 4, 2008

    I know how you feel! I lost 120 pounds doing the flex plan, and I am eager to step away from counting points, but I don’t really trust myself yet to do core. The whole eat until you feel satisfied thing freaks me out. I am not sure I know that about myself yet!

    Anonymous

    February 4, 2008

    FOR LIFETIME SUCCESS–
    Alan Alda, the actor, was on one of those “celebrity” shows where they were to lose weight, maybe on the Food Network? He obviously did not need to lose a ton of weight, but he realized how hard it was to just lose weight in general.

    I don’t remember the exact wording, but he said something that sticks with me daily and helps me – we all know how mere words are so powerful. He said he that in order to be successful at losing and maintaining, he realized that each day when he gets up, he must “recommit to make the commitment” to eat healthy, eat right and that he will never be “just done.” The thought of feeling that I am depriving myself of some of my not-so-healthy foods for the rest of my life has thrown me into several self-defeating modes, so I now have one day, usually on the weekend, every two weeks where I am free to have anything. You would think I’d go hog-wild, sometimes I do, but I usually don’t do too bad and it has made me feel so much better about food in general. One day every two weeks has not put me into a weight-gain mode, and it seems to keep me from going crazy the rest of the time, knowing that I have my “free day” to look forward to. Some people might worry they will get so used to “cheating” that they will completely stop eating healthy. I have found the opposite to be true. I must do this for lifetime success. /debsch60@yahoo.com

    Kate

    February 4, 2008

    You know, as a weight watcher, I’ve never expected to count points for ever, but at the same time, I have never expected not to have to count point for the rest of my life either…if that makes sense.

    I know that on occasion I will need the “refresher” on points and portion sizes, but once I hit goal, and maintain for awhile, I don’t expect to count points every day, week, month and year.

    girl with a problem

    February 4, 2008

    I read your blog everyday, and have passed it on to my friends that are on plan. I find your site to be very inspirational. It’s why I started my own blog for the first time ever. Your honesty has also been an inspiration to me. For the first time ever, I have posted a before pic and my really, really, real weight. I’ve never left myself that open before.

    I think that’s why I am doing so well this time. I feel calm and happy and confident that I too can lose 100 pounds.

    Thank you for helping me along the way. I’m 8 pounds down already!

    HappyBlogChick

    February 4, 2008

    How exciting! I wish you the best of luck with your new approach.

    Katy

    February 4, 2008

    Roni….
    You inspire me everyday!
    Thank you!

    One Day at a Time

    February 4, 2008

    hi Roni,
    I’m a new blogger who has been reading your blog for months. To say that you’ve inspired me is an understatement! You’re so candid and so relatable as a consequence. I think it’s great that you’re developing a new relationship with food. Or at least changing the rules of your old one. our bodies have developed so many mechanisms to let us know when we’re full (I’m a bio major and the physiology classes you take definitely teach you to listen to your body because the signals are all there). We’ve just abused our visions of food from objects of nourishment to placing values on food as “good” or “bad” which is bad. I have the same problems myself every day. But I’m on a journey to a healthier self and you’ve definitely helped! So thanks!

    Kate

    February 4, 2008

    Very insightful, Roni!

    Yes, come to the dark side and join us on Core….mwhahahahaha….

    I’m just kidding! Seriously, though, one of the things I like about Core is that I feel like it’s teaching me how to eat for life. I was always trying to cheat on Flex (i.e. starving myself so I could drink beer), but I’m not doing that on Core.

    Girl on a Mission...

    February 4, 2008

    Good Luck Roni!
    I lost 7 pounds this week at my weigh in! Imagine…7 pounds. I can only dream of the day when I’m saying ‘good bye’ to the points! Hahaha.
    I wish you the best of luck- any path you take you are still an inspiration!

    Michele

    February 4, 2008

    Roni, that was a great post! It really got me thinking too. I don’t want to count points for the rest of my life and I had been toying with the idea of Core once I reached my goal. I am very anxious to hear how you like it. I might be saying good bye to Flex myself soon. Good luck!!

    Anonymous

    February 4, 2008

    Hi Roni, I look forward to hearing how it works for you. I would think that you will learn some new mental tools that you can share with us all. I always hear that maintenance is almost harder than losing and WW doesn’t really put the focus on that. I read a shocking statistic that said 98% of the people who lose weight regain and then some. Maybe you are on to something revolutionary….

    Tara

    February 4, 2008

    Love this blog! Perfect timing too. I recently found myself becoming a little obsessive…agonizing over the numbers and putting all of my focus on food. I lost on WW a couple years ago and now have 5 extra lbs above goal thanks to my now 9 month old. I literally made my husband hide the scale from me b/c i was scaring myself with some of my behaviors. Now I’m learning to eat for enjoyment, but I’m enjoying healthy stuff instead of junk. A reading rec. for you: The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan…learning where our food really comes from can help A LOT with resisting temptation!

    jane

    February 4, 2008

    Roni, you are so going to love Core!

    Come visit us at the core board at Weightwatchers.com.

    Here’s a great core recipe site: www.freewebs.com/hwc1973

    I love your blog and wish you success!

    Jane

    Krista

    February 5, 2008

    Roni: Again, you have said what needs to be said. If we could all have a healthy relationship with food, we probably wouldn’t be blogging at 10:00 o’clock at night. I applaud your decision to try something new. How do you know if you don’t try. I have talked with people who have done Flex and Core and both seemed happy with their choices and both seemed to lose. You, of all people, I know can do it. Just don’t be too “wild and crazy.” You are taking Core 101, you know!

    Anonymous

    February 5, 2008

    I’d like to make the switch too–I am going to use you as my inspiration and seriously consider switching from flex to core. Good Luck–I know you can do it!

    Donna/jmazzo76@comcast.net

    Lily T

    February 5, 2008

    Great post Roni! Although I’ve only recorded food in-take for 9 months, it got to be drag, so I stopped abruptly. Consequently, my weight gained. I’m returning to recording my food every once in a while with the intention of leaving it behind. I like your analogy of college and graduating. I had treated food recording as a life sentence, and I like the idea of treating it as a learning tool instead with every once in a while needing to relearn.

    Anonymous

    February 6, 2008

    Roni,
    I’m struggling on a plateau right now, too, so I understand the need to figure out what works. However, your issues with overeating-eating-out and night-time snacking may very well still be there on Core – and might be more difficult to handle – I don’t know the Core plan but that’s my guess. Be sure to plan ahead for those times – I know you can do it! Looking forward to seeing your success!!